Perfect Ruin

19. Perfect

S I E N N A ' S   P O V

The days pass by in an achingly slow pace. I go through the motions of my daily routine for the summer—wake up, head to UF gym to train some newbies, hang out with Braydon and Trevor, come back home and crash on my bed.

Sometimes, when I'm not all that exhausted, I chill on the couch with Beth and binge-watch Netflix shows but lately she's been out a lot and I have no idea why. Every time I ask who is she spending all these late nights with, she just stammers out a half-assed lie and runs off, leaving me to wonder all on my own.

Off the top of my head, I think there's finally a guy in the picture. During that horrible night when I told Jax to leave after I confronted him, I heard someone sneaking into her room. I was going to stay up to listen to what was happening but the fight with Jax worn me out so much that I slept through the whole thing. By the time I woke up the next morning, the stranger was gone.

Honestly, if I'm assuming right, I'm happy that she's finally found someone she can connect with. It's about damn time anyway.

Her obsession with Jax had gone on for far too long.

Speaking of the devil himself, I haven't talked to him in two weeks. It's not all that hard to avoid him really. I have a strong feeling he's doing the same to me.

A little part of me is disappointed; I thought he would fight harder for me after everything that I've told him during our huge fight. I was so confident that he was going to come back begging the next day to be with me again. At least, that was what I had hoped would happen.

Why hasn't he called? Why hasn't he tried to make amends?

Why why why?

I pretend that I don't miss him but I do. So fucking much. So much so to the point that it's difficult to function without him. I hadn't realize how much I had depended on him. He was my crutch; now that he's gone, I can barely make it on my own two feet.

I don't know what to do without him. He's carved himself so deep in my heart that he has become a part of me; take him away from me and I cease to exist.

I need him. I need to see him.

"No, you can't." Braydon pushes me back onto the sofa, her eyes cold as she glares at me.

"Why the fuck not?" I fold my arms over my chest and seethe at her.

"Because it's not good for you!" She exclaims. "Plus, you told me not to let you go if you had any urge to see him. You told me yourself: he has to come to you instead!"

"Well, I've changed my mind!" I whine desperately. "I'm telling you to let me go now!"

"Sienna, no." She says, sighing as she sits on the arm of the couch. Her eyes are now filled with pity when she looks at me. "You can't go back to him. After what he's done to you? All the hurt? The lies? The manipulation?"

"But he's helped me so much!" I cry out. I want to slap myself for defending him, but I just miss him so much. My heart has never stopped aching ever since he left—and I just need the damn ache to stop. "He made me so strong."

"You call this strong?" She gestures to me, her hands wavering about in a suggestive manner. "Look at you, girl! The only thing he's ever done is made you codependent on him. Sure, he's toughened you up. But all that strength he's showed you—it's all tethered to him. And now that he's gone, he's taken all that strength with him. You're an empty shell, Sienna. You're nothing without him."