Okay so there's going to be a lot about Alex & her sexuality going forwards and I just want to say beforehand that I myself went through (and am still going through) a lot of the things she talks about. I just want people to understand that this is my experience with figuring out sexuality, and I do not mean to paint it as something negative or something that isn't yourself. In the show, Alex (in my interpretation) seemed to be under the impression that it was, however a negative thing. Since she's a teenager in this, I wanted to try and re-create it in the only way I knew how: through some of the emotions I feel as a teenager trying to figure herself out. Please take this into consideration as you read :) thank you and I hope you enjoy!!
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Next to her bed, an alarm started going off. She opened her eyes and sighed. She flipped onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. One of her posters was falling down. She turned off her alarm and stood precariously on her tiptoes, pushing the edge back against the tape. She dropped down and sat at the edge of her bed and sighed.
She walked over to her mirror and swallowed tiredly, trying to brush her bedhead fruitlessly. She sighed again and padded out of her room, walking down the hall. She stopped and knocked on a door. She opened it slowly, yawning.
"Kara?" She asked, opening her eyes and looking around the room. She found her sister sitting at her desk, already fully dressed, and typing crazily at her desk. She shuffled over and put her hands on the back of the chair Kara sat in.
Kara looked up, and pulled a headphone out of her ear, "Hey, Alex," she beamed and Alex smiled.
"How long have you been up?" She asked and Kara shrugged.
"I dunno," she said vaguely, turning back to her laptop. "You need anything?"
"No," Alex said gently, "Just telling you I'm getting in the shower first."
"Okey dokes," Kara said absentmindedly.
Alex smiled and then turned and walked out of the room. She stepped under the hot water and closed her eyes. She stood and took a long time to think. She wasn't trying to--she wasn't--but her mind lead her meandering down a path to Maggie. She was suddenly thinking about all the things about her that made Alex's toes curl. Her stomach felt light, and she tried to force the thoughts out of her head. She shut off the water abruptly and stepped out. She dried herself off, and then wrapped the towel around her.
She walked in front of the mirror, and pulled out the blow-drier from the drawer under the sink. She wiped the fog off the glass and caught her eyes looking back at her. She swallowed and looked back and forth between them. She felt the ghost of the smile that takes over her face every time Maggie talks to her. Something about it felt so warm. On her skin, in her chest;
She was so scared of it. And she didn't know why.
She looked around and then shook her head, beginning to blow-dry her short brown hair. She hopped down the steps a little while later and grabbed an apple from the counter and looked at her watch.
"Come on Kara!" She called.
"Just one sec!" Kara said and Alex sighed, smiling.
She turned and there she was again, her own reflection in the mirror in the front hall. She didn't recognize what she felt. She didn't know what she was supposed to do. She suddenly thought, why should she do anything? She didn't need to act on anything she felt, she didn't have to acknowledge it, she didn't even have to think about it. She nodded curtly and turned away, leaning her back against it, taking a bite out of her apple.
