Alex's room was dark when Kara came in. She padded over to her sister's bed and sat down on the edge. She watched as Alex didn't move or acknowledge her presence in any way. She put a cup down on the bedside table, and touched Alex's shoulder.
"You should drink some water, Alex," she said, "you were crying a lot; you'll feel better."
Alex didn't answer her, only continued to stare at her bedroom wall. Kara sighed and began to stand.
"The first thing you asked me," Alex said, her voice hoarse, "was if there was if there was something wrong with Maggie trying to kiss me."
Kara leaned back onto the mattress and looked at her sister's profile. "Yeah?"
"Not why she would do that, not how did I feel about that, just," Alex paused slightly, "if there was something wrong with it."
Kara didn't know where she was going with this. "Is there?" She asked gently and Alex frowned.
"No, of course not. Being gay isn't wrong, it isn't unnatural, it isn't bad." She said as Kara looked at her sadly, "So why does it feel that way?"
Kara sighed and laid down next to Alex, spooning her. "It's not bad, Alex, you know it's not."
"I know!" Alex yelled, "I don't understand why I feel like this!"
"Feel like what?" Kara said and Alex shrugged.
"Like I'm..." She swallowed, "...Letting everyone down somehow."
"How could being gay possibly let people down?" Kara asked.
"I don't--" Alex sniffed, "--I don't know." She said, "I mean first I'm letting you down--"
"--Not possible." Kara said, making Alex smile sadly at the turquoise wall.
"--And now I've let Maggie down, and most of all I just feel like..."
"What?" Kara asked after a moment.
"I should've known!" She cried suddenly, "I should know who I like--what gender I like!"
"Alex, you're only a teenager, it's okay you didn't know--"
"No," Alex shook her head, "I knew that I didn't like being intimate, I knew that I'd felt things for women before but girls are just so friendly, so I chalked it up to me just wanting to be friends with people! But I was wrong. I should've known!"
"Alex," Kara said, "you're being too hard on yourself. Maggie is different, she is special, everyone can see it. Maybe deep down inside, you see it and your subconscious knew that she was the right person to show you what you'd been missing."
"That's bs." Alex said bitterly and Kara shrugged.
"That's the only way I can think of explaining it." She said softly.
Alex thought for a moment. "She's so strong, you know? So brave and fearless and smart."
"Yeah?" Kara smiled and Alex nodded.
"She's just..." She sniffed, "...So beautiful, Kara; she's so beautiful."
"I know, Alex, I know." Kara closed her eyes and hugged Alex tighter. "So why did you run away when she tried to kiss you?"
Alex shrugged helplessly, "I have no idea," she said, her body shaking slightly as she began to cry, "I don't know what came over me."
"Were you scared?" Kara asked gently.
"Yeah." Alex said, covering her eyes sadly.
"Of what? Were you scared you weren't going to do it right or were you worried because everyone else was around...?"
