Clockwork Cowboy

Chapter 37

"Nova?"

She glanced up from the breakfast table, finding her husband standing in the doorway. The expression on his face made her heart flip. "Uh-huh?"

"How are you feeling?"

She shrugged in reply.

"Are you free today? I wanted to show you something on the ranch."

Nova's dreams had been tormented all night. A particular nightmare still chilled her body; she'd dreamed she was hanging from the gallows, as her body had swung on the rope her head had tilted back and she'd seen Jese above her, trying desperately to cut the rope.

Was it a sign? Perhaps foiling a jewellery heist was a dangerous idea, and her body was warning her against going. Or at least trying to convince her to give Jese another chance to redeem himself. He had saved her life twice in a matter of weeks... maybe he was completely innocent of everything she accused him of. Didn't she owe him the chance to explain himself?

Her sense of outrage, at being made dependent on a man, could have been blinding her to his true character. Obviously, he wasn't free of guilt. While he made the occasional sweet-talk he had not bothered to tell her anything further. Another man might have - at least - told her about their upbringing. But Nova had no idea about what kind of childhood he'd had... let alone where he came from. How could she trust someone who was so intent on privacy and secrecy?

She was stubborn, single minded, and cynical. But Jese was doing nothing to encourage her to trust him. Was she just as bad? She hadn't told him anything about herself; believing that not opening herself up meant that she was protecting herself from becoming vulnerable. Nova had thought that she was a strong, independent woman, but wouldn't a strong woman take the bull by its horns and initiate the conversation herself? After all he'd done, she was obligated to give him the chance.

But how did a woman talk freely with a silent cowboy? Especially, when she had learned from a young age to keep everything bottled inside; in case her drunk father became offended.

Her father's ghost couldn't continue to haunt her life. She couldn't go on allowing him to lurk in the corner, controlling her life from his grave. She had to take the reins. "Please sit," Nova said.

Surprise crossed Jese's face. He sat. "Is everything alright?"

"Last night you told me you wanted to work on this marriage." She paused. Considering her words. "I've thought about how I can make that easier for you-"

"Oh!" His surprise was palpable.

"I think to do that I have to be honest with you. I know that I haven't helped the situation by struggling to trust you. But I feel like you have the same feeling of mistrust toward me."

"It isn't that I don't trust you," Jese said.

"But?"

"I'm guarded by nature."

"That is why it is difficult for me to trust you. Why would anyone be guarded without just cause?"

His silence spoke volumes. She could see that he believed he'd already said too much.

"What if your marriage depended on it?"

"You're overreacting."

"I mean it, Jese. You need to start talking - and start now - otherwise..."

"Otherwise?" There was a challenge in his black eyes.

Silence stretched out between the two.

He sighed, rubbing his face with one large masculine hand. "Maybe in time, Nova."