Allah's Plan For You & Me

Relations with Family And Parents

The institution of family is one of the most sacred of establishments to mankind from a human as well as from a moral and religious perspective.

No one can dispute the value and superiority of blood relations which unite two individuals together as they recognize that the blood which run through their veins is the same and the genes which they share come from the same origin.

It is a feeling of belonging which gives rise to an innate attachment to such person whom you consider as "family". Unlike other types of relations in which some may give with the expectation of return, family members typically express their love and serve each other spontaneously to any length without expecting compensation or reward.

Islam has strongly emphasized the great importance of maintaining relations with our relatives and kin.

Allah (swt) has stated in the Holy Quran: "O Mankind! Fear your Lord who created you from one soul and created from it it's mate and dispersed from both of them many men and women and fear Allah through whom you ask one another and the wombs, indeed Allah is ever over you An Observer" (4:1).

He also emphasized in Surat Ar-Ra'd, (Verse 21), "Those who join that which Allah has commanded to be joined (i.e. they are good to their relatives and do not cut the bond of kinship)" and in Surat Al-Israa' (Verse 26), "And give to the kindred his due..."

Unfortunately, cutting relations with family and relatives have been a major problem and this matter is taken lightly by many of us.

We often find two brothers living within the same radius of proximity, yet they barely meet or pick up the phone to ask about each other. Some of us severe relations simply because our sibling married their son off to another person instead of our own daughter.

Financial and inheritance related dispute is yet another common cause for conflicts within the family.

In many cases, the cause of the conflict is petty and minor; however, inappropriate and hurtful words exchanged between the two, coupled with the arrogance and ego problem contribute to the prolonged severed relation among relatives.

However, Islam highly encourages us to extend our hand for peace to maintain relations even if the cause of dispute is not our fault and even if we did not commit injustice to our brother or sister.

When a man came to Prophet (saw) and said, "O messenger of Allah, I have relatives with whom I keep good relations, but they cut off relations with me, I forgive them, but they oppress me, I do good to them, but they treat me badly, should I get even with them (treat them as bad as they treat me)?"

The Prophet (saw) replied, "No, if you do so all the relations will be cut off this way.

On the contrary, be generous and keep in touch with them, you will always have support from Allah as long as you stay this way."

In fact, the person who initiates the communication first will be rewarded for that gesture of peace, even if the other party refuses to respond to that call.

In this incident, the Prophet (saw) wants to highlight that keeping relations with your family is a greater priority and more important than the topic of dispute or the one who caused the dispute.

It is important to note that all blood relations must be maintained without discrimination between the poor and the rich.

Also, sometimes there is a false notion that if your family member does not share the same faith as yourself or is a non-Muslim, then it is permissible to cut relations with them.

This is wrong and it is narrated that a companion of Imam Sadiq (saw), Ibn Hamid asked him, "My relatives are not of my religion. Are any of their rights upon me?"