Liberate • Harry Styles

thirty two.

I spent a sleepless night tossing and turning to finally come to a decision that I wasn't going to get any sleep. I decided to lay on my back, my eyes staring at the ceiling but only seeing black. I had the small resolution from Simon that I would still be able to run my own business, but I couldn't stop visualizing his green eyes in front of me. They would materialize in front of my eyes, burning their presence into my soul and making my heart yearn for him. Everything about him was so perfect. His hair was coiffed, his lips plump, his muscles hard. But how could such a perfect person be so broken inside? He had demons - too many to count. I knew when I was with him that it was difficult to be in a situation where everyday was a gamble. I had only been with him a short time, but when we were together it felt like our souls had known each other for much longer. As I lay in bed, I mourned for the love I lost, for the life I could have had, but also for the girl who let a boy impact how she led her life. I had been completely controlled by another person and had let him impact every single day my feet touched the earth.

I didn't like that girl.

That girl was weak. She was compliant and shy and cowered from confrontation. She needed a man to help her when she suffered from the medical condition she inherently caused herself. But she - I - didn't need anyone. I needed to find who I was, to resolve my own demons before I took on anyone else's. I was too damn young - too damn driven - to let another human being stand in the way of my dreams.

The sun rose slowly, fingerlings of sunshine peeking over the horizon and spreading across the hardwood floor of the loft and illuminating my face. I scrunched my face and blinked away the light, slowly moving to the edge of the bed and checking my phone. I had a missed call from Louis, Liam, and Niall. I sighed and locked the phone, getting up and changing into my Nike workout clothes. I couldn't confront them now, because I knew I would either have to answer a hoard of questions or deal with Niall's incessant need to get what he wanted. Right now, I didn't have the strength to do either of those things.

I grabbed my Beats and connected them to my phone, shuffling my Spotify workout playlist before heading to the elevator and riding it to the second floor gym. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw there was no one in the clean, white equipment room, but it dawned on me that most people wouldn't be up at 5:30 in the morning. I wanted to escape and not be in my mind for just an hour, and thankfully I was able to do some cardio and butt work without being disturbed.

I had around an hour and a half to get ready, make breakfast and shower after the gym before I got into the expensive company car and drove about half an hour to the conference site. I parked in the underground parking garage and breathed slowly as I rode the elevator to the room where I would be bombarded with questions from reporters. I loathed the fact that Harry's mistake made me have to come to this point. Granted, I shouldn't have hidden the fact that I went on sessions with Niall. But it was strictly for the safe-guarding of my career, and Harry wouldn't have seen it that way. I had gotten to the point where I did feel as though I should have to disclose every second of my personal life just to prevent an outburst.

The clink of my heels made loud sounds against the cold marble as I walked down the hall and entered the conference room. Almost immediately, the previously quiet room erupted into sound and lights began to flash. I swallowed the lump in my throat and kept my eyes fixed on the stage and booth in front of me. Climbing the steps and facing the microphone, I cleared my throat and look out into the sea of reporters.

The presidential announcement-like setup meant I didn't have to see the individual faces of the reporters - the strong lights shone into my eyes and allowed me to only see black. I breathed a sigh of relief and set my face with a confident mask.

"Hello, ladies and gentlemen." I began. "My name is Violet Joyce, and I will be answering your questions concerning the relationship I share between myself and Harry Styles. Rest assured I will try and get to most of your questions, but I would like to begin with a brief explanation."