Through the Lens | Dodie Clark

9

/387 days (continued)/

It was like watching a car crash. I couldn't look away no matter how desperately I wanted to. Except it was my own gruesome wreck that I was watching unfold. I knew that believing that Drunk Dodie would remember, and follow through with her promise was driving into head on traffic, but my heart was behind the wheel, ignoring my back-seat-driver brain.

Finally, I forcibly tore my eyes from Dodie and continued attaching my camera to the tripod. She seemed to be rubbing it in. I could hear her laughing at something he had said from across the cafe, and my mind filled in the blanks- her head buried in his shoulder, her eyes crinkling as she grinned.

I felt Bridget's hand on mine. I told her what had happened the previous night, and the current look on my face probably didn't convey something ecstatic.

"It's ok to be upset." She gave me a reassuring smile.

I tried to mirror her, thinking I could pull a fake-it-till-you-make-it, but attempting a smile only made me felt like I was about to cry. "I should've known."

"But you didn't. So stop beating yourself up, please?"

I sighed, then nodded. Bridget smiled wider. She held my face and gave me a sweet kiss on the nose. I could acknowledge that I was upset, and that it was ok to be upset, while still pretending everything was fine.

"Do you want a story?"

I glanced up, quirking my eyebrows. I could see what she was doing, and an overwhelming sense of appreciation for her washed over me. She stood right between me and where Dodie was currently standing, having a chat with Tom.

"When I was a little girl, I had a guinea pig, and like, six hamsters. I was kind of obsessed."

"Were you a hamster hoarder?"

Bridget flashed a grin. "I might even have a photo album dedicated to my late pets. But that's not even the worst of it.

"I was like a lot of other kids in the fact that I didn't like vegetables, but different, because I often took the veggies I'd get from lunch, and hide them in my shoes until I got home. Then I'd give the foot food to my rodents." My mouth quirked into a genuine smile, which Bridget seemed to revel in. "I wasn't even subtle about it, either. I thought I was so quirky."

"That's a very Bridget thing to do."

She gawked, feigning offense. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It just- I can see you doing something like that. Storing vegetables in your shoes and then bragging about it." I chuckled, the scene playing out in my mind.

Dodie seemed hesitant when she approached me, afraid she might be interrupting a moment. I noted that she left Charlie in the back of the cafe. I fought the urge to nitpick at his appearance. "Hey, how's it going?"

Bridget gave me a knowing smile and stalked off to talk to Tom. I turned to Dodie, my heart feeling significantly lighter. "I should be ready to go in a few minutes. More importantly, though, how are you feeling?"

She rocked on her feet a bit as she contemplated. "I know I shouldn't be nervous, but-"

"Don't feel like you have to sound good. This is your first time performing in front of people. No one's great the first time around."

"Thank you, Evie." Dodie sighed. She looked like she had more to say, but she instead headed to the mic to set up.

Ten minutes later Dodie was introducing herself to the cafe's small group of patrons. They seemed indifferent to the change from the owner's nephew's band, which I supposed was good.

I had my camera trained on her, for the first time since the night we met. I blinked away the thoughts that sprouted as a result.

Her performance was flawed, but it didn't stop from me holding back the tears that came whenever she smiled at me, or hit a high note, or laughed through a mistake.

Charlie moved up to be closer to Dodie when she began singing. He was engaged during the first song, even whooping as she ended, but beyond that, his phone screen seemed to be more interesting. After her fourth song, he answered a phone call and left. He didn't come back.

Dodie sang on, glancing out the window every few seconds. I could see the confusion cloud her eyes with each passing moment.

She ended her set with a sheepish thank you, and I was delighted when she ran straight to me, and enveloped me in her hug. I was surprised when it felt how her hugs always did. I expected a sort of disappointment when she touched me, but I was still greeted by butterflies, throwing themselves willingly and feverishly against the walls of my stomach.

"Dodie?" I whispered into her ear just as she was about to let go.

"Yeah?"

"Are you happy?"

---

"I don't feel good about this anymore. I think I've been selfish. Dodie's clearly got some things she needs to work through, and all I've been worrying about is getting with her." I picked at the stitching on my couch.

Bridget sat next to me, crocheting herself a scarf. Sometimes it baffled me how she could be so soft and strong at the same time. She reached her hand and wove it with mine, creating contrasting rungs with our fingers.

"Evie. You're not being selfish. You undeniably care about her, beyond any physical attraction. And it's not like you're cornering her into a relationship."

"Maybe not verbally, but I have been in my mind. And then I get upset when she does something that doesn't go as I imagined in my head. Isn't that just as bad?"

Bridget scoffed, but said nothing. The doorbell conveniently rang, saving her from coming up with a bullshit excuse to save my feelings.

"I bet that's the pizza! It's on me tonight." She sprang from the couch and I buried my face into a pillow, focusing on the sounds. Bridget's feet padding across the hard wood floor. Her purse being lifted from the hooks by the door. The lock being turned. The door opening. Silence. Three more seconds. Silence.

I begrudgingly lifted my head from my place of self pity and contemplation to see what the hold up was.

It became clear as soon as my gaze reached the door. It was not the pizza man. It was Dodie, tears running down her face and a few of her belongings tucked under her arm.

There were a few more seconds where all three of us were taking the situation in, trying to figure out how to react. And then we did, all at once.

"I'm sorry if this is a bad time-"

"Oh no, I was just leaving-"

"I really should've called before-"

"Don't even worry about it-"

"I'm always happy to have you here."

Bridget briefly rested a hand on Dodie's shoulder before slipping her shoes on and leaving.