Through the Lens | Dodie Clark

14

/372 days/

I raised my hand to the door to knock. After telling Dodie about my fallout with Tom, she insisted that I try reaching out. As much as I was hesitant, I missed my friend. Work had been awkward. We only spoke directly to each other when absolutely necessary, otherwise we communicated through dirty glares and dramatic huffs in passing.

I knocked. A minute later, a guy who I assumed to be one of Tom's flatmates answered the door. He rubbed his eyes as though he'd just woken up, despite it being 3 in the afternoon.

"Uh, hey. Is Tom home? I'm Evie, and-"

His eyes widened. "You're the chick who was supposed to play poker with us?" He laughed. "He was in a sour mood the rest of the day. Almost made it hard for me to take his money. Almost." He gestured for me to come inside. "I'm Hasan. I'll grab Tom." His grin was infectious, and I found myself smiling despite the butterflies dive-bombing in my stomach.

I waited in silence in their entry way as Hasan disappeared around the corner. My eyes scanned the flat, which was in a state of disaster. My inner clean freak who hoovered every other day screamed.

A few minutes later, an equally groggy Tom walked around the corner. He saw me and blinked a few times. "Let's take a walk."

---

We sat on top of Red's roof. Where we used to eat lunch together. Where I brought Dodie. Where she confessed her feelings; where I confessed mine.

Tom and I sat in quiet for a moment before I urged him to speak. He had his legs stretched out and crossed at the ankles as he leaned back on his hands. It was an awkward sight with his lanky figure, but he owned it. He'd become increasingly confident since I'd met him. His eyes skimmed the skyline before looking at me.

"I don't like you. I never liked you like that. I've never liked anyone. When I was a child and my friends started talking about their crushes, I didn't understand. I never got butterflies when talking to girls. At first I thought I was just gay, but I never liked guys either. I had a girlfriend in high school, asked her out because my friends thought I should. It lasted for a month and I hated every moment of it. I didn't like getting intimate. I thought something was wrong with me.

"And then, when I met you, you were nice to me. I thought 'if I had to fake feelings for anyone, Evie would be the least painful'. I had the mindset that it was something I'd have to ignore and suppress for the rest of my life. I know that it's shitty on my part to lead someone into thinking I like them when I didn't. I was so relieved when you turned me down. I realized that I didn't want to keep living like that, so I've been coming to terms with myself. I did some research, and found there's a lot of people like me."

Oh. I was always bitter when someone assumed me to be straight, and here I was doing the same. "I'm sorry I've been so self absorbed. I haven't been the greatest friend."

Tom chewed his lip, keeping his eyes on the horizon. "It's not that you don't have a lot going on in your life. But that doesn't mean I don't either."

My nose began to itch and I knew I was about to cry. "Tom, I appreciate you so much." My voice cracked.

"Come on," he sniffled. "We've barely been apart for a week." Despite this, he had to wipe a tear streaming down his own face with the sleeve of his sweater.

"No, I mean it. You're one of the strongest people I know. You tell it to me like you see it, and you've really been coming out of your shell recently. And I'd love to know you as well as I already should."

Tom wore a lopsided grin as he shook his head bashfully. He hooked his arm around my shoulder and pulled me towards him. "Come here, you goof."

We sat embraced for a bit, making up for all the dumb time we spent apart. I sighed contentedly. "Hasan told me he kicked your ass in poker."

---

"Dodie? I'm home." I walked into my room where I found her kneeling on the floor, digging through the suitcase that she'd been living out of for the past few weeks. She mumbled a hello.

I laughed, leaning on the door frame. "Are you ever gonna unpack? I cleared a few drawers for you. Though we should probably look into investing in another dresser." I sat on my bed, where I was sitting across from Dodie, though her face was obstructed by her hair.

She froze for a moment, then slowly stood up. "I need to talk to you about that. I went flat-hunting when you went to Tom's for poker. I think I found something."

My mouth went all dry. "You know you're more than welcome, right?" For the second time that day, I felt like I was about to cry. I looked away as to possibly not look so dumb.

"Yes, and I appreciate it so much. I don't know what I would've done without you." She tried tucking my hair behind my ear, but it stubbornly sprung back. Instead she grabbed my hand and rubbed circles on my thumb. "I just don't want to fuck this up. This all happened so fast, it doesn't normally go in this order. I don't want to dump all my baggage on you -- literally and figuratively-- when we're supposed to be in our honeymoon phase. We're both making efforts for each other, yeah? You're wearing sunscreen and I'm getting my own place. Besides, you should be sleeping in your own bed."

I sniffled. "The couch isn't all that bad," my mouth said, but my back begged to differ. She quirked her lip and raised an eyebrow, calling my bluff. I sighed. "When are you leaving?"

"If everything's in order, a week. I applied for a few jobs, too. He wanted to be the provider for the both of us, so it was never necessary when we were together." Dodie hadn't said his name since shit hit the fan, but she seemed to be doing better. She was now fine with me touching her, but I was keeping it PG until she said otherwise. My bed could've easily slept two, but I didn't want to push anything beyond her comfort zone.

Finally I smiled and nodded. After so long with Charlie, she needed to be independent, and it'd be selfish of me to hold her back. Dodie's eyes crinkled as she held my face on either side and gave me a quick kiss. "Now, let's watch a cheesy rom-com."