Through the Lens | Dodie Clark

17

//307 days//

I was tempted to rub my eyes. It had been a long day, and I nearly nodded off a few times on my way home, but I didn't think I was to the point of hallucinating my kind-of-ex-girlfriend who'd been ignoring all my attempts of communication as I stepped off the tube.

Bridget leaned against a brick wall. Smoke billowed from a cigarette between her fingers, twirling over her head in a thick haze. It reminded me of some industrial factory pumping out pollution, but made for pretty clouds nonetheless.

She hadn't noticed me yet as I approached. "When'd you start smoking?"

I couldn't tell if she was happy to see me. For a moment I swear a scowl sat uncomfortably on her face, but it was quickly replaced by a look of indifference. "Why, are you surprised?"

I shifted awkwardly. "Can't say the smell or the threat of lung cancer suits you nicely."

"You always know what to say."

She smiled, and for a moment I melted at the sight of the endearing gap between her teeth, but the grin didn't reach her eyes like it used to. They were grey, but with nothing behind them, ashy like the flakes she tapped off her cigarette. I wondered if I seemed any different to her.

"I've tried calling."

"I know."

I raised my eyebrows, prodding her to explain.

"We had an agreement. I thought the terms of the agreement were clear. You get the girl, I back off. Anything beyond that would be messy." She gestured with her free hand. "This is messy."

She brushed a rogue strand of hair out of her face. "How're you and Dodie?"

I wasn't sure what she wanted to hear. That I wanted her back? That I realized all of it had been a mistake? "We're doing good."

"I'm glad."

"Have you. . . been seeing anyone?"

A bitter laugh came out. "I wasn't joking when I said I'd given up on love."

I stuffed my hands in my pockets. When I met her she was losing hope, but now she was cynical. I could see that I was getting nowhere with her.

"Well, I hope life proves you wrong." I hesitated before walking away. I nearly reached out to place my hand on her shoulder, but my stomach twisted and I couldn't bring myself to it. "Call me if you need anything."

She said nothing, but squinted her eyes as she took another drag.

I had other places to be. Dodie was making pasta tonight.

I briefly mentioned my run in with Bridget to Dodie as we ate our pasta, and how unsettling it had been. Understandably, she told me to shake it off. She was a part of my past that didn't wish to be in my future. I wanted to also hold that mentality, but I couldn't shake the feeling that I was simply standing by. And if all those bullying days in high school taught me anything, it was that doing nothing was as good as helping the bully.

Consciously I knew things were messier than that. Bridget was the perpetrator and the victim. What would I be saving her from? Smoking, a skepticism of love, herself? So I dropped it.

//305 days//

"Are you ready?" I smiled reassuringly, straightening out the straps to her overall shorts, even though I knew they'd be crooked again in moments sitting atop her restless shoulders.

After a few performances at Red's Cafe, Dodie had caught the attention of a manager at a breakfast bar, who recommended her to the owner, who took quite the liking to Dodie.

"I think the question is if you're ready." I had the easy job. I just had to make sure the camera was in focus and eat waffles.

I double checked my equipment to make sure I hadn't missed anything. "Yeah, everything's seems to be in or—"

"Do you remember when you asked me to write a happy song for you?" She kissed my nose, and before I had a moment to answer, she was hopping up on the tiny stage, which Margo and I had helped her decorate with yellow banners spelling out her name.

She leaned in a little too close to the microphone. "Hello everybody. My name's Dodie Clark, and I'll be singing some original songs for you." She took a moment to tune her ukulele. "This first one is called 'Would You Be So Kind?'" She made direct eye contact with me. I knew it was meant for me.

Dodie had improved greatly since her first show at Red's. People were more inclined to listen. She hadn't been bad before, but she lacked the presence that now tore everyone's eyes from their breakfast and loved ones.

My pride and love swelled like a balloon, filled with her long held notes and exhales between stanzas.

Margo nudged me and grinned, as if saying, "that's your girlfriend." I'd forgotten she was there. I nearly cursed her for bringing me out of the moment, the atmosphere Dodie created with her voice, even when she was simply talking, but I managed a smile.

It was over too soon. Her tip can had accumulated a generous amount of change. She took a dramatic bow, enveloped in applause that was enthusiastic for a cafe crowd.

"How'd I do?" She was breathless and breathtaking. She leaned her weight on me, draping an arm around me and resting her head on my shoulder, a welcome gesture.

"To be honest, I'm really turned on right now," I said I'm a low voice, only loud enough for her. I couldn't see her face, but I could bet a crimson color was spreading through her face, her eyes widening. It was the reaction usually projected when I'd make such out of character comments.

Dodie suddenly found the strength to stand on her own two feet as she made a beeline for the door. I hardly had the time to gather my camera equipment before she was tugging at my sleeves. "Let's go home."

———

comment your favorite underrated song(s)! I want new music. here's a few of mine (let me know if you listen to any of them)
thrashville 2/3 by prince daddy & the hyena
edward 40hands by mom jeans
some rotten man by the taxpayers
if you can't love this all goes away by flo morrissey