Tell Me About Your Story! [ONGOING]

A Knight's Love for a Goddess (Critique)

Critique of A Knight's Love for a Goddess by ArdenBothell

I guess it has the base elements to call it a story, but it's no more than bare bones. It's not engaging and is unsatisfying at the end. There's hardly any descriptions -- just enough to tell us what the characters are doing, in the simplest sense, and where the characters are, by name only.

This could be fleshed out. The prologue and epilogue have way more things that would make the story interesting. The bulk of the story currently is actually just a few scenes. There should only be one maybe two chapters, not four, with this material. Then turn the last paragraph (epilogue) into the actual bulk of the story. Since the prologue is mostly a summary of Skyward Sword, it doesn't need to be part of this story. However, it also needs more depth if it is included.

A way to flesh out a story is by adding descriptions. Readers don't like being told events in a story, we like to experience it with the characters. By detailing what the senses notice, we readers become engaged and love to read more.

Then again, if this is the whole story you want to tell, make it one part (or two if you want the prologue separate) but still add more details. By condensing the parts, the story feels more whole. As it is now, it feels like when TV people put commercials too close together to the point when the commercials are longer than the clip shown between.

I wish you luck in your writing endeavours. If you'd like me to read any more LoZ fanfiction or if you'd like more in depth information, be sure to send me a message.