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All the Symmetrical Things (Critique)

Story Critique of All the Symmetrical Things (A Soul Eater Fanfic) by Poniesaremybffs

Spoilers below.

Wow, I can see the passion you have for this story, and I can tell you had a lot of fun writing it. It really comes through and makes this a worthwhile read. If you don't mind, I have a few pointers to help you improve this story (if you choose to edit) and/or your next.

The first one is simple: break up the chapters. If taken at face value, this story is all just the prologue. Why do I say that? Because you start with the word “Prologue” and never have chapter breaks. Wattpad, as I'm sure you know, allows for easy chapter creation and rearranging. It wouldn't be too difficult to put each piece of your story into the chapters they deserve. This would make easier navigation, and encourage more readers to read the whole thing.

Now to the nitty gritty stuff. Too often you tell what happens instead of showing us. Other times you do really well to show character's emotions and struggles, allowing us to connect to those characters. I understand sometimes it's easier to just say what happened instead of typing it all out, but it will make your story a lot more fleshed out if you show us these scenes. This happens more in the beginning, such as when Snow first shows up at the school. A lot of times you use the phrase “to sum that up” instead of letting us see what happened.

One last thing. You don't actually need the prologue. Even though Raini is the villain, she is not the main character. She should not be the first character we read about. This gives us a false idea of what the story is going to be about. Plus, you do a nice job recapping the prologue later when Stein sees the memory. I honestly skipped Stein's vision because it was almost identical to the beginning of the prologue. We all know Medusa is evil and likes to experiment. We don't need to see the experiment that lead to Fawn.

Like I said, I liked your fanfic a lot. (I actually couldn't put ATST down.) I think you can go far with your writing, and look forward to reading more of your stuff. I hope you can take some of these things into consideration, but you don't have to. This is just the opinion of one person. Your writing is your writing. You should continue to enjoy it!