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Blue Angel (Critique)

Story Critique of Blue Angel by CreativeDreams.

I was asked to read this ages ago and never got around to it until today. However! I kept my promise, and I have read it, and I will now critique it. I apologize for my laziness. I must say, I should have read this from the get-go, because it was a great adventure.

Minor spoilers below.

I am quite impressed that your writing improved over the course of this book. It shows to me that you actually care about your writing and have taken initiative to become better. I am here, as per your request, to help you become just a bit better if I can. You may have heard some of this already, but I'm going to say it anyway, just in case.

First off, your grammar. Your profile says you are from Dubai, so I am assuming English is not your first language. If you would like I can give you some more specific pointers.

Secondly, I didn't understand your characters in the beginning. Draven is my main complaint. I think I understand him by the end, but his personality doesn't explain his actions in the beginning. The whole suicide thing caught me completely off guard, and his relationship with his parents was contradictory at best. Draven told the readers he loves his parents, but his actions said he wanted to be out of that house years ago.

Third is the setting. I saw from your author notes that you changed the location? You spoke of Hondton like a city but called it a country. Also in the prologue, you set the story up like an otherworldly fantasy, but then it took place in modern day society.

Last and probably least, you don't mention some things after they become unimportant, such as Draven's car and Casey. Why didn't Draven ever take his car in to get repaired? I get that he wanted to distance himself from Casey, but if he was ready to commit suicide once she left him, why did he bounce back so quickly and with the first new pretty girl he met? I also don't understand what prompted Alura to show herself to Draven in the first place, as the head of HR no less.

I think that's about it. Like I said, I enjoyed reading Blue Angel and hope you get the gumption to write the sequel(s). You have a vivid world here that would be a joy to revisit. Keep up the great work!