Exposed

Chapter One

My styled hair billows in the harsh New York wind and against my affected face, my gaze dead frozen on the bumblebee yellow cab door beneath my fingers.

My fingers beneath his fingers.

I smile to myself and look up, finally.

It's not a dream. He's actually here.

Matteo stares down at me, a thick strand of his dark chocolate waves tucked simply behind one ear. His nose and cheeks have flushed from the chill of the cutting wind. Suddenly, he bends down, peering into the grimy vehicle.

"She has a ride," he says to the driver, definitively closing the door. My eyes sweep over his features with delight, marveling at his remarkable renewal of health. The eight months apart have been kind to him, his skin a revitalized olive color. The gauntness he left New York with is gone, his body transformed. It could be the time separated that makes him seem so much larger than he was before, but the space between his parted jacket shows a massive chest, a tight abdomen. His dark jeans conform to muscular legs.

In my appraising, I'm distracted enough to not realize he's moving until he's right in front of me. Breathing in deeply, he cradles my face between his hands. His fingers are ice cold. My neck weakens at the force of his lips against mine, my head falling back to his will. He pulls away almost immediately though, searching my eyes. He's breathing heavy.

"Is it okay... that I did that?" He exhales, displaying an unnerving tick of nervousness. "I mean, I'm sorry. I should have asked if-"

"It's... It's totally fine," I manage to get out, seeing stars. My knees are buckling.

"I didn't... I don't know if you're with anyone-"

"I didn't think you'd come back," I whisper, gaping slightly, "but I hoped."

"You were with me, everywhere I went," he replies, shaking his head. "Not a day went by when I wasn't planning this moment."

I smile, my eyes becoming misty. "You're really here?"

He nods, caressing my face gently. This can't be real. "I know we have a lot to talk about. I don't know what you want now, but I needed to see you. I couldn't wait any longer."

"I convinced myself because your tour had ended a couple of weeks ago that you had chosen not to come back."

"I was trying to give you time."

"I don't need time... not anymore."

"Then walk with me," he offers, smiling gently. It occurs to me that I've seen him smile more in these five minutes than I have in almost two years. At my nod, he releases me, backing up to let me lead.

"I can't believe this," I say, blinking as my brain forces my feet to move forward. "I mean, I'm sorry I'm so speechless. You just look-"

"Was it that bad before?"

I nod. "Yes, yeah, it was."

He places his hands courteously behind his back as he strolls aimlessly beside me, a gray scarf tucked into his black coat. He's in mostly dark colors from head to toe, which extenuates a healthy tan and the new thickness to his skin. Before he left, his throat was thin; his clothing seemed to swallow him. Not anymore. I smile, looking down.

"Why can't I form a coherent thought?" I ask, musing aloud.

"I was fucking terrified to come here again."

"Why? Because of me?"

"Well, yes. But also because I left here, unsure I'd ever come back after... everything that happened."

"I really wasn't sure either."

He nods, his gaze diverted to the icy ground. "I didn't plan to, when I left that day, Em. I was content with where we left things and I thought you were finally at a place where you could move on."

Shifting so a person can speed by on their bike, I crane my neck to find Matteo's eyes. "I wanted to call, so many times."

"I'm glad you didn't," he whispers, truthfully. I don't even pretend to act like that doesn't sting. Thankfully, he shakes his head. "It's not because I didn't want to hear from you, Emma. I needed to get better on my own. I used you, a great deal before, as a crutch and only at the end there did I realize how much it had actually hurt you."

"I wasn't hurt."

"Yes, you were."

He's so sure of it. I am too, but like always, I want to ease his burdens.

"Yes, I was," I concede.

He nods at the truth, turning. "I didn't know if you had eaten?"

"I did at the party, but I could sit with you if you're hungry."

He presses his lips together and laughs awkwardly, thinking. "Um, coffee?"

I bite on my lip, failing to hide my smile. "Yeah, I could have some coffee."