Sparks To A Flame

|11| Surprise

**Warning: flashback contains abuse. Please skip passed the flashback or to the next chapter if this may trigger you.**

Nicole

She deserved it!

No, she didn't! I'm being bad again.

She hurt you first.

She hurt me first...

With my hand slapped over my mouth, I watched in the distance as Angie fell to the ground with my arrow punctured through her leg.

What was I thinking...?

Why did I do it...?

I watched in terror as my babysitter shrieked in pain, screaming for help. The agony in her voice frightened me. I'm scared. Scared of what she'll say, scared of what might happen to me next, the consequences.

It was so unlike me... I didn't really mean to hurt her. I've never hurt her before.

But she...

She...

"Lyin' is bad, Sasha... Don't you dare look me in the eyes and tell me this tiny thing was the only deer you could find..."

Tears began to fall down my dirt-stained cheeks as I remembered that witch-like scowl she gave me while raising that old wire over her head.

My hands trembled at the stings I still felt under the drying blood of my marks. The stings that she put all across my back, one whip after another. Nonstop pain. Nonstop torment. I could only scream helplessly as pops watched from a chair he sat in, waiting until the torture was over.

It was the worst beating she's ever given me. It was the worst pain I've ever felt. I didn't think what I had done would have made her so angry. It was a mistake! But she said that I deserved it. She took the breath out of my lungs, she made me beg for her to stop but I deserved it.

Pops knew I deserved it as well. He watched it happen. He watched until it was over. Until I came crawling into his arms where I wept and yearned for his comfort. Where I hoped he'd save me from it all.

"She's only doing it for your own good." He whispered to me with a kiss on my cheek while I held onto him like I held onto dear life. "We all care about you, Sasha... Trust me."

It's my fault I upset her and I hadn't realized that until it was too late. Until I had already shot her. Until she started to cry for help. It's my fault... It's all my fault...

"We all care about you, Sasha..."

Then why can't I ever believe you?

Is it selfish to think that you don't show it enough?

I raked my trembling fingers through my ashy brown hair as my babysitter continued to cry out. That poor woman. She's only had one good leg and I took that from her. She's only been trying to fix me but I disappointed her yet again. She's right about me. I'm too selfish. Too lazy. Too needy...

Maybe there's no fixing me. No matter how much I try to be good enough, I always disappoint you... All of you.

There's no fixing me...

I hopped over the bush I hid behind and ran up to her before kneeling beside her and covering her mouth, "Shhh! Quiet Angie, you'll get me in trouble." I nervously looked around for any signs of people watching. Pops had already left to go out and sell some of Angie's merchandise from the cabin and mother had already left, dressed up like a doll, going out without giving a reason. They weren't going to be back for a while but I didn't want the patrols to find out about this. I didn't want them to take me. I wasn't ready for the slammers. But I've been bad. They'll know! They'll arrest me!