Sparks To A Flame

|28| Nuke

Jaden

Tyler had picked me up half an hour after I talked with Nicole. He had his music turned up to medium volume as he sung along to the rock album currently playing. I never liked this genre of music but I did find myself relating to some of the lyrics. However, I was today years old when I found out that Tyler's actually a huge fan of this type of music. It's about all he listens to.

We were already heading to Mr. Flips, getting caught up in some traffic since the school nearby was just dismissing its students but it wasn't too much of a problem for us. This is just another chance for us to make time to hang out.

I only knew him for a little over a month now but that's enough for me to realize that Tyler is the type of guy I could be myself around, and I mean completely be myself around... We were becoming as close as brothers.

I never expected it to happen but Tyler and I went from being acquaintances to becoming really good friends really fast. It really only took one good conversation for us to instantly click. That same day Nicki got on me about talking to Rebecca and being "too distracted and weak" was the same day he unexpectedly showed up to my dorm, concerned about my mental state. Since that day, he knew practically everything about me and I knew everything about him. We were starting to build an inseparable friendship.

I gazed out of the window, my mind taking an automatic U-turn back to that night...

It isn't Nicki's fault but her words that night took quite a toll on me. They almost fucked me over in the head because what she said sounded all too familiar to me.

Sitting on my couch, glaring at my reflection in the black t.v screen, Nicki's stern voice began to echo in my mind, telling me, "You're weak, Jaden." Over... And over... Until it began to sound more like Levi. Until I began to actually see Levi.

"You're weak, Jaden!" He spat at me as he grabbed me by the collar, forcefully shoving me against the wall. "Do you understand how much that match costed me?!" His fist tightened on my shirt, his eyes raging red with anger and his breath reeking with alcohol as he threatened me. I remember being terrified of him then. It was my first failed match and I never knew how important those matches were to him until he lashed his anger out on me. Until he and two other members showed me that what we had was not a brotherhood, but a business and I was considered property to them. My fate on whether or not I end up on the streets depended completely on my ability to keep them proud of me and, being a teenager with nowhere else to go, I had no choice but to try and fulfill that regardless of how overwhelming the whole experience was for me.

They made that clear by beating me until I couldn't breathe, telling me that I wasn't deserving of the privileges they provided for me, that I was worthless to them.

"Put yourself out of your own misery and kill yourself, ya skinny prick." He told me as he watched me pathetically while I coughed at his feet. There was a huge difference in how they treated me when I won those underground matches and when I didn't. I was either treated as their equal or treated like dirt but at the end of each and every day, I still was never good enough. Not for them, not for me...

Those memories flooded my head after I brought that same disappointment to Nicki months back, on that one specific night. It began to drown me in pain and anger, it began to submerge me with self-hate and disgrace.

I almost pulled my phone out that night and called a chick over to help resolve the problem by easing my mind a bit as I usually would but that would've only made matters worse. It's part of what Nicki had scolded me about that night and going through with that would've only made me even more of a letdown. My only option then was to let it take over and chew away at my soul...