Too Broken

chapter ten

"What? You're in love with me?" I'm pouring with tears running down my cheek.

"Yes Hope, I'm in love with you. I am absolutely head over heels in love with you. I love your hair." he kisses my hair. "I love your ears." he kisses my ears and I'm getting thrills. "I love your eyes, your beautiful eyes." he kisses my eyes. What is he doing? He is not making this any easier. I love your nose, your weirdly shaped nose." I don't have a weird nose. "I love your body." he scans me head to toe, making me feeling wanted and I want to give him everything to him. My soul, my body and my heart. But I'm just a deal, a challenge. And he completed the challenge, he changed me. How could he do me like that? "I love your lips, they so soft. When I kissed them the first time. All I ever wanted was more." he kisses my lips for a solid five seconds. All I feel is passion and excitement when he kisses me. "And most of all, I love your heart. Your heart makes you who you are. It shows me the Hope I see now. A broken but beautiful Hope. You don't see the good in you, but I do. Oh, I do Hope." he says.

I'm frozen, I don't know what to do. I want to run. But all I ever do is run. I'm tired of running. Nick is in love with me. But why? I don't see what he sees. I'm imperfect. I can never be the one he wants. This is probably a crush, nothing more. He doesn't love me. He doesn't. I'm not worthy of love. I never was. If he continues to have these feelings for me. It will be the end of us.

"Nick, you don't love me. You just feel bad for me." I reply.

"Hope, I do. I do. I love you. You the first person I ever loved. I can't stop thinking about you and I know that's the most cliche thing I've ever said but I need you. And I know you need me. Please Hope, I love you." he is crying. Why must he make this so hard? Why is my life so hard?

And with that he held my entire world. I'm the first person he ever loved. What a curse. What do I do? How do I break his heart in a gentle manner. I will hate myself for this.

"Nick please, you know I'm not worthy of love. I never was. Never will be. I don't love you Nick." I say and we both literally crying our tears out. Dear God, help me now.

"Hope, please. You can't do that. You can't let me pour my love to you and you deny me. Hope please." he is pleading for my love and I want to give it to him.

"I'm sorry... Nick. I - I can't d-do this anymore. It was a mistake falling for me." I begin to walk away.

"It was never a mistake falling for you. It was the best thing I ever did. But you can't leave me like everyone else did..." and those were the last words I heard.

I left him? Like every one else did? I don't know what to feel anymore. I don't want to feel. Feelings sucks. It sucks ass. I can't believe he fell for me. Why, Nick, why? We could have been chilling at home, watching movies and series. But you decided to fall for me. Do I love Nick? Do I love him?

That's the million dollar question. My subconscious tells me.

Yes, she's right. That is the million dollar question. Do I love him enough to take a chance with him? My dad is the first guy who ever broke my heart and I can't take another heart break. We have fallen way too deep. Not thinking about the consequences. I see myself having Nick's babies one day. I see us making breakfast. But what's wrong with me? I can't seem to find the strength to give him my love. But I want to. I really do. I want to kiss his lips every day. I want to wake up to his blue eyes. And his beating heart. I want Nick. I need Nick.

I need to go on vacation. I need a break. Or I just want to crawl in a hole and die and no one should find me.

I want to go home. I want to cry my eyes. Literally. But my mother's home. God, how my life sucks. I'm going home. I can't do this. I need to be alone. Everything in my life seems to be falling apart. Everything. And Nick seems to be the only one I can think of.

I'm driving home. This silence is killing me. I turn the radio station on. Such depressing music. Bruno Mars is playing.

'cause my heart breaks a little
When I hear your name
It all just sounds like ohhhhh...
Hmm... Too young, too dumb to realise...

I immediately change the station.

Justin Bieber is playing on the next station. My life must really suck.

Am I in love with you
Am I in love with you
Or am I in love with the feeling
Trying to find to the truth, trying to find the truth.
Sometimes the heart is deceiving

The heart is deceiving.

Can't get out of my head man I need you to save me
If I am delusional then maybe I'm crazy in love with you
Am I in love with you or am I in love with the feeling

I need to change the freaking station.

Jess Glynn plats. Oh God, help me.

Came to you with a broke faith
Gave me more than I had to hold
Caught before I hit the ground
Tell me I'm safe, you got me now
Would you take the wheel if lose control?

Nick would you take wheel if I lose control.

If I'm lying here, would you take me home?
Could you take care, of a broken soul?

Could you take care of a broken soul Nick?

Would you hold me now, will you take me home?
Will you take me home? Will you take me home? Will you take me home? Will you take me home?

I need to take a chance with him. I don't want to regret loving him. I don't want to regret taking this chance. A leap of faith is all I need. I need to ask someone for advice. But who? I don't have any friends? Mother, your mother should always give the best advice. But we not on that level yet. But I'm desperate. Really desperate.

I arrive at home. God, why am I nervous? It's just a human.

"Mother?" I call out.

"Hope, I'm in the kitchen." she yells.

Remember not to cry hope, I mentally tell myself that.

_____

Sorry for all spelling errors and grammatical errors.

Hope I made feel a little something. Get it? Hope? Haha, my jokes are dry😂😂 .

Please vote, pretty please. With cream on top. It takes like two seconds.

Yours
-Nunu