Savoring Silence

#9: The Shocking Truth

For the remainder of the week, when I wasn't in classes, I was stuck alone, in my dorm room, silently crying and staring at the texts Michael and I had exchanged before all of this sudden drama. Thursday came, the day of the winter dance. I was especially depressed, thinking of Michael and thinking of the time when the fire alarm went off, where Michael grabbed me by my waist and tried to seduce me into going to the dance with him.

I sniffled, then thought of Roy. I wiped the tears from my eyes and pushed the hair out of my face, taking a deep breath. I didn't want to see Roy again for a while. Not in the hall, not anywhere. Whatever happened yesterday happened because of the sweet words he spoke and adrenaline from spying with Jeremy. I was brave, and got cocky. And the talking part? I don't even want to think about that.

I'm still mute. I always will be. Sometimes there are mistakes to be made, and that was one of them.

I hadn't seen Miranda since I broke Michael's heart. Thinking about it made me cry harder. Miranda and Michael must be together again. I knew they must be fooling around at that moment.

Don't kid yourself. Michael's just depressed. He's probably not even thinking of Miranda.

Are you trying to cheer me up?

Yes.

It's not working.

I got up to use the bathroom, barely able to hold it in any longer. I hadn't got up since classes ended. As I sat down on the toilet, there was a knock at my door. I froze. Who could it be?

"Are you in there, Lu?" Roy. I was silent for a long time, fiddling with my thumbs and looking down at the bathroom floor. Waiting for him to give up and leave. "Lu, let me in, please, I want to talk about last night. Before you ran away from me."

I frowned. After Michael had stormed off in a rage, I sprinted down the hall, slamming my door behind me. Roy knocked again. I sat silent as I could, before I finally heard a sigh.

"Okay. I guess I'll talk to you later." He said sadly, and I heard his footsteps. Then after a few seconds when I was finishing and flushing the toilet, I heard another knock at my door. I lazily walked out of the bathroom and to the dorm door, peeping cautiously out of the hole. It was... James.

What is he doing here? I honestly have no comment here. I'm gonna go make some popcorn and watch the show.

I chuckled at myself and wiped my eyes, opening the door. James was looking concerned, then as he looked to me, he looked angry. He walked in rather heavily and slammed the door behind him, looking immediately apologetic as I cringed away from the sound. My head was pounding. Then he looked at me, examined me up and down, and snorted, covering his nose and mouth with a hand to stifle himself.

What is so goddamn funny? I thought to myself, hurt.

"Oh God, Luna... Have you even glanced at a mirror today?" He said with a smile. I knew he was just teasing, and smiled, looking down and wiping my eyes like a sleepy child.

"So what went on last night anyway?" He asked rather bluntly. I looked down at the ground and shook my head, like I didn't know what he was talking about.

"Don't play dumb -- I saw Roy not two minutes ago wanting to talk about 'what happened last night'. You found him after he stormed off?"

I was quiet and stared at a stain on the carpet, where I had clumsily spilled a bit of grape soda in my drunken stupor of depression. I was hoping that time would stop and everything would collapse within each other like a black hole, so I didn't have to think about life itself anymore. James stared at me intently, begging for an answer I was unwilling to give. Suddenly, my emotions collided with one another into a mess of tears and sobbing.