Savoring Silence

#12: Show Me I'm Boss

~*~ Michael stared at me hungrily from the foot of the bed, as I lay in lingerie at the head of the bed. He was shirtless, and I could tell he wanted me more than ever before as he began to crawl slowly up the bed, hovering over me as I caressed his face in my hands, staring into his eyes seductively. "I love you." He whispered as a smirk crept upon his face and I disappeared into paradise. ~*~ 

I opened my eyes slowly, blinking at the sunshine coming through the windows. I grunted and stretched my body, driving the sleep out of me and waking up.

As I walked to the bathroom, the dream of Michael I'd had the night before invaded my mind, filling it was confusion and so many questions.

Did the dream really mean something? Was it something that had been hiding inside of me until now, when I finally bump into him again?

Maybe the dream was a coincidence, because of hugging Michael a long time ago, then seeing him after such a long time of no contact, and... 

I really couldn't think of any logical explanation for such a dream. I hadn't shown any particular interest in Michael before. Why would I now? Nothing made sense anymore...

I stood in the shower, wondering what it would be like, in Michael's bed, skin against skin, lips against lips. I practically smacked myself at the thought. What was I doing? I was only taunting myself more, along with confusing myself more. I had no idea what I wanted, and I didn't really want to think about it right now.

As I stepped out, grabbing my towel, I looked in the mirror against the yellow wall. I figured I needed to have a good mental chat with myself. And to make that chat effective, I needed to look myself in the eye while I did it.

I placed my hands on the end of the sink, putting my weight down on them as I stared myself seriously in the eye.

Now, you listen here. I thought. There are some things we need to sort out about now. That dream you made me have last night? Not gonna happen again. If you thought it was funny to mess with my head like that, you're wrong. There needs to be boundaries set. You will not try to influence me when I'm trying to make the healthiest decisions. You will not fill me with guilt when I put you into place. You will not try to make me fall for anyone other than Roy. And you WILL NOT argue with me any longer. Got it?

I stood back, relaxing myself and staring proudly in the mirror. I showed me who's boss. And I didn't argue back. Maybe I needed to be more controlling toward my conscience, and it wouldn't be bugging me so much.