Love to Seperate

Journal Entry

January 10th 2011, Draco's journal

 The news about Harry and me spread rapidly through the school, Crabbe and Goyle's families have large connections through out the whole wizarding world-  so naturally when they told their parents the news spread in a matter of hours. Unfortunately, because their families are so close to mine- my father was one of the first to know. 

The things my father can do to people is common knowledge, which is why no one dared even sitting within two seats of me. They knew if they were seen comforting me, or even associating with me after I did something so blatantly against my father's wishes- it would be suicide. 

A couple Slytherins occasionally glanced at me hopelessly, and about ten or so Hufflepuffs started to walk to me but turned back half way and sat back down with their friends, not to look back at me again.

Approximately half way through the meal Pansy sauntered over to the spot across from me and dropped her plate with half eaten food down before sitting. I looked at her in surprise. "Are you sure you want to sit their?" I murmur harshly. She didn't even glance at me, simply kept cutting at her pancakes for a moment before calmly placing her knife and fork down on her plate neatly and leaning forward, looking me right in the eye. "Yea, I know where I sat, and if I were you I wouldn't talk that way to the only person willing to be within five feet of you." She leaned back, unfazed, and continued cutting her pancakes.

I blushed a little and poked at my oatmeal with my spoon. "Sorry" I mumbled, pushing the mushy bits side to side. There was loud screeching from over head as the owls came in with mail. Pansy looked up as the owls began to circle, looking for the receivers of the letters and packages they were carrying. Pansy picked up her plate with one hand, holding the knife and fork down with her thumb. Her other hand fished through a hidden pocket that had been sewn into her robe, and pulled out a small, folded piece of parchment. She threw it in front of me and turned to walk away. "Do whatever you need to with that."

I watched her walk away but got distracted by a light thud in front of me. A tightly sealed red envelope sat, shaking slightly, in front of me; the seal pursed slightly to look like a mouth- two more small flaps popped out to form what looked like eyes. It started shaking a bit harder the longer I waited to open it. My natural instinct was to step backwards, but seeing as I was on the bench at the table when I stood I fell backwards onto the floor. 

My backside hit the floor hard, and the shock from the impact kept me from moving away anymore. The letter picked itself up and hovered down, right over me- it began shaking violently and I braced myself for my father's voice to come out. I pushed my back against the cold wall behind me, so that I could have a physical brace as my father started verbally abusing me in front of everyone.

But as the letter popped open I was surprised to hear my mother's voice. 

"DRACO LUCIUS MALFOY, HOW DARE YOU. HOW DARE YOU BETRAY ME LIKE THIS. WE HAD A DEAL" as the voice of the one person I knew to love me unconditionally rang through the dining hall I felt the beginnings of tears sting the back of my eyes. "YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDN'T TALK TO HIM, YOU PROMISED ME, YOU PROMISED YOUR FATHER. YOUR FATHER LEFT LAST NIGHT AND CAME BACK AT FIVE IN THE MORNING AND YOU KNOW WHAT HE DID DRACO. YOU KNOW." Tears started slipping down my face and my arms shakily crossed over my chest. By now everyone in the dining hall was silent and watching me. "HOW COULD YOU. I RAISED YOU BETTER THAN THIS, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD LIE TO ME. I AM SO DISAPPOINTED IN YOU. I AM SO DISGUSTED IN YOUR ACTIONS. YOU KNOW WHAT HE DID TO ME" she stopped for a moment and let out a heart wrenching sob, before taking a wheezing breath in. The last part of her letter wasn't even yelling but it hurt the most. It was in a sobbing, hushed tone- like she was desperate for me to just... understand. "Draco, you know what he did. You know what he does. I'm... I'm- scared Draco. Please just, don't do this. Don't do these things when you know  what he'll do to me" 

The letter shredded in the air and I was left silently crying with my back against the chilled stone wall. I saw Pansy look at me and nod her head at the doors, a small motion for me to leave. I picked up the small piece of paper she had given me and ran out of the dining hall, tears still streaming down my face as I went. Leaving behind the cold staring eyes of everyone in the dining hall.

I only stopped running when I got to my room. For 15 minutes I sat on my bed and sobbed before my door cracked open and Pansy walked in slowly. "I'm sorry I couldn't comfort you in there..." she whispers as she sits down next to me. I wipe at my eyes, trying to stop the flow that wouldn't seem to cease and looked at her, nodded in understanding but simply lost for words. She grabbed my shoulder and pulled me against her chest as I began to sob again against her chest. She stroked my hair softly and sighed deeply, deep concern etched between her brows. She softly whispered "I know" as I cried myself to sleep against her chest. 

When I woke up Pansy was gone and I was completely tucked into my bed, there was a small note next to me on the bed. You fell asleep so I decided to make you comfy and go. If you need me use the parchment I gave you earlier. (By the way you are a really deep sleeper -_-). I crumpled the note and set it on my bedside table. I  stood up, and let my feet get used to the cold floor for a moment before moving to the ledge of the window. I pulled back the curtains and admired the view for a moment. I find it really peacful looking out the windows in the Slytherin dorms. 

It's nice to just, look out through the lake. The green, dark tints that illuminate the dorms at all times from it has become soothing to me. I sat myself on the ledge and pulled my knees to my chest. A group of merpeople swam past the window, one of them flashing a peace sign along with it's pointed teeth. I half smiled back and did a little wave. 

I've been in my room ever since the incident at breakfast. I was half tempted to not even write it in here. I don't really know what I was thinking by letting Potter drag me into the Room of Requirements to talk. I was foolish. It's my own fault this happened, no one else's. 

I tried out the parchment Pansy gave me. At first I wasn't very sure what to do with it, seeing as Pansy never explained. So I tried just writing on it 'This is parchment', but the ink disappeared almost instantly. I rolled my eyes, figuring Pansy had given me prank parchment. But within second the parchment started vibrating lightly and small words started being scribbled across the top of the page. 

'Wow Draco, quite some observation you made there' as I finished reading the line a second time it disappeared as well. I started to write again. 'Pansy? Is that you? What is this stuff' there was no reply for a minute before it vibrated lightly and more of Pansy's scrawling script started to appear again. 'it's like writing letters but as soon as the recipient sees it the writing goes away.' I read the writing slower that time. 

For the rest of the evening Pansy and I talked over parchment, she explained that she gave it me so if I need her she can talk to me without fearing for her family's safety.

When Pansy went to bed I decided to just write the events of today down because, I thought maybe seeing it on paper would make me feel better. But, now that I look back- I still feel awful. The one person I love is mad at me. 

I hurt my mother. She is getting hurt because of me, I am horrible. I could have said no to Potter, I should have ran away. It's my fault... It's all my fault. 

No matter what I do I hurt someone I care about. So, the only option now is to be horrible to Harry. That's the only way. I'll transform myself into the person my father wants me to be, and it will be all of me. The real me- the me I am now, will go away forever. It's the only way...

I'm a Malfoy.

A/N- Sorry this update took forever and is short. I'm working on fixing up another one of my books currently so I'm a busy busy bee. Love you all, and thanks for reading! <3

Update: HA, okay so if you got a notification that this chapter is titled boobs, sorry about that oh my goddess. It was a temporary title hold so wattpad wouldn't yell at me when I tried to save but as I was hitting publish I saw it and was like NOOOO. So yea this is not titled boobs. sorry.

Update2: It won't let me change the title I am so sorry ;-;