Saving Me

TWELVE

The rest of my exams aren't so hard as I have been studying hard and have developed a routine of constant prayer before and after my exams. I also have been reading the Bible and installed an app on my phone that gives me daily Bible verses. Plus I have been going to Sunday services with Mikayla and have developed a great friendship with the rest of the gang.

My family life has been sort of okay. Mom has been getting home late every night telling us that she has a lot of work to deal with, but I think there's something that she's not telling us. I tried talking to her about it but she keeps changing the subject or avoid me every time I do.

So now we're done with mid-terms and I just can't wait to start my winter break. I plan to watch a whole lot of Netflix and eat a lot of junk food. I'm getting ready to go to lunch with my brothers and my dad. This is the first time since the divorce that I'll actually try to have a civil conversation with my dad.
My phone beeps with a Bible notification:

" There shall not any man be able to stand before thee all the days of thy life; as I was with Moses, so I will be with thee; I will not fail thee, nor forsaken thee." (Joshua 1:5 KJV)

This word touches me as I get that it is a word of encouragement and I really need the courage to face my dad without ruining the moment for my brothers. I take the word into heart and go downstairs to meet up with my brothers.

"Okay so are you guys ready?" I head for the front door.

"I think the question is are you ready. We had our little heart to heart with dad, today is mostly about you two.. We're just there for support" Seth says behind me.

"I'm okay and I fully understand what today is about" we drive to this other Meditarranean bistro. I spot him the minute we get in the bistro, we walk over to him and join him at the table.

He smiles at us and stands to hug each of us. He seems a bit hesitant when it comes to me but he hugs me anyway. "I'm so glad you came" he whispers in my ear.

We all sit and we order some drinks. We sit there the entire time we're waiting for the drinks in complete silence. Just taking the moment in. When the waiter comes over I quickly gulp down half of my ice tea.

"Okay...can you give us a moment then we'll order the food" my dad says to the waiter, he nods and walks away.

He clears his throat and looks at me, which is pretty easy for him and hard for me cause we're seated opposite each other. I think my brothers did this on purpose and honestly I feel like a sample under a microscope.

"Lissy, I've missed you baby girl. I have spoken to your brothers and we have reached common ground, so I hope today me and you will get to that point too."

I look at the condensation on my glass and then at him. He continues to speak "Honey, I get that I messed up...big time and I understand why you don't want to talk to me,but I need you to understand why I did it."

"Your mother and me have been fighting for a long time, we hid it so you guys wouldn't find out. Instead of fighting for our marriage to work I ruined it all by cheating on her with her best friend. I am no proud of what I did but Lissy I just didn't love your mother anymore. I was tired of keeping up appearances."

"I'm sorry that you got dragged into this drama in the process. I am highly aware of how Kimberly has been treating you and I have spoken to her mom about it. You and your brothers don't deserve any of the pain you've been through the last few months. I really miss you guys. I get that I am responsible for the walls that you have built around you and I only ask that you give a chance to prove myself. I want to be the father that you deserve."

"I won't rush you into anything but please promise me you'll think about it" he has tears in his eyes and my heart clenches. He wipes his tears and looks at me again.

"I promise" are the only words that come out of my mouth and they put a smile on his face.

"Okay now can we please get some food I am starving" Cody breaks the silence and Jackson's stomach growls in response. We laugh, easing the tension in the air. We order our food and my dad talks with my brothers.

While we wait for our food Seth holds my hand "Are you okay?" he has concern etched on his face.

I smile to reassure him "I'm fine..just processing it all". He nods "Don't over think".

"Food's here" Cody loudly announces. Dad tells us about what's going on at his workplace and how life has been my brothers also chip in but I mostly zone out and just focus on playing with my food.

He pays the bill and walks us to the car. "Thanks for coming, I really appreciate it." he hugs us again and then walks to his car.

"Well that went well" Jackson says when we drive off. "I really thought your fangs were gonna come out and you were going to rip his throat out" he laughs.

"I'm not a monster" I scowl at him.

"You clearly haven't seen yourself when you're angry" Seth mumbles. I punch his chest "Shut your face". Cody cracks with laughter.

The entire drive home I am deep in my thoughts. Just going through all my dad said. Replaying his apology in my head.

The moment we get home I quickly go upstairs to have a nice long shower. I then get into my jammies and cuddle with my cat. As Persephone purrs in my arms I go through my message thread on my phone. I read and re-read all the texts that were sent between me and my dad. It's mostly jokes and funny memes but there are some special texts.

Pastor Josh's words about forgiveness echo again in my head and an overwhelming sensation fills my heart. A tear rolls down my cheek and drops on my phone screen. I take a deep breathe and ask God to open up my heart, then I type my dad a text.

ME: okay

I hit send. It's only one word but it holds so much meaning. He'll understand everything behind it.

He texts me back

DADDY : Thank you (smiley face)

I laugh and look at the time. It's only five o'clock but I am exhausted. I switch off my phone and fall into a deep slumber.