Fading Away [A Next to Normal fanfic]

Chapter 6: He's Not Here...

Do you feel, he's still real? Love, it's just not so. Why is it you still believe?

Children of the Meadow, Heaven, Unknown Time, Rose POV.

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I sat waiting for Gabe to return to me and the children in the meadow. I twirled the red rose in my hand. I heard before that red roses meant 'I love you' and a way to show a person affection, beauty, and perfection. I blushed at the thought.

Did Gabe love me?

I sighed, who would want a girl like me? I wasn't like the other girls here probably..and I already feel inadequate when I haven't even seen them. I look around at the children laughing and playing around me. One little boy runs up to me, "Come! Play with us!" he giggled softly, a grin placed upon his face. I nod and place the rose beside me and stand. The little boy takes my hand and leads me to the other kids. "We want to play ring around the rosie!" "Yeah!" I giggle and ask the little boy, "What should I do?" acting like I didn't know how to play. "Well this version is going to be different! You're Rosie!" I laugh as one of the little girls push me into the center of the children as they make a ring around me.

OH! Ring around the Rosie!

I giggle as they start to play the game. I smile at the little children. It made me wonder why I was brought here instead of another place in Heaven. I also wonder if there was many places of Heaven. This was probably the most innocent place to be, I think to myself. I sigh contently and close my eyes. When I open them, it's quite a different scene around me. I'm on a staircase in a very familiar house.

"He's not here..."

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Do you dream or do you grieve? You've got to let him go, He's been dead 16 years. No, my love he's not here.

The Goodman household, Unknown Time,  still Rose POV.

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"Do you wake up in the morning and need help to lift your head? Do you read obituaries and feel jealous of the dead? It's like living on a cliff side not knowing when you'll dive, do you know? Do you know, what it's like to die alive?!"  I hear Diana reply to Dan.

I walk down the stairs till I see them. I also see Gabe standing in front of me. I want to reach out and touch him, but I don't. I just watch the scene play out in front of me like I can't prevent it. Which I can't. I felt sorry for Diana, feeling this way and it's not because that she's crazy. If only I could tell Dan what Gabe's done for her. To help her see him grow up as he never left, to let her see him grow and to help her with her sadness and grief. It was out of love for his mother that he did this to help her. Yet, they don't see that. I didn't see that and I feel horrible about it.

"When the world that once had color fades to white and gray and black. When tomorrow terrifies you, but you'll die if you look back. You don't know. I know you don't know. You say that you're hurting, it sure doesn't show!" She screams, walking around the kitchen.

It brings sadness to my heart and tears threaten to pour from my eyes. I would give anything for Dan to know what his son did to help her through his death. I watched Gabe's back. I wonder what he thought, he probably had seen this many times. What did he feel about this? If I felt sad no telling what he felt inside.

"You don't know. You tell me let go. And you may say so, but I say you don't know! The sensation that you're screaming, but you never make a sound. Or the feeling that you're falling, but you never hit the ground. It just keeps on rushing at you day by day by day by day!" Diana screamed as she walked around the kitchen, Dan watching her and trying to help her.

It broke my heart to see this happening to his and Natalie's parents. I knew that Dan and Natalie had a hard time dealing with this and now I saw what they see everyday. I didn't know it was this bad, but I had two perspectives. Dan and Natalie, then Gabe and Diana.

"You don't know, you don't know what it's like to live that way. Like a refugee, a fugitive, forever on the run. If it gets me it will kill me, but I don't know what I've done!" She had picked up some silverware and threw it on the ground.

I watched carefully as Dan approached her, "Can you tell me what it is you're afraid of? Can you tell me why I'm afraid it's me?"

I frowned and saw Gabe slowly start down the stairs.

Oh Gabe, I hope you know you don't have to do this on your own. I could and will help you with her...

But I'm still invisible to her.....