The long Goodbye

finding some help

Things have gotten progressively worse,i can see caring for nan is getting harder for my uncle and my aunty and myself,it's only getting harder for me in terms of mentally draining me and I'm having a hard time when I get home after caring for nan three times a week up to seven hours a day when I could or more, im finding it hard to switch off at home or anywhere really.

I'm struggling to leave nans house even though I'm exhausted and drained,I feel so guilty leaving her and my uncle too because I know how hard it is for him when I leave as he is on his own all night then and the next morning,when I get home I just cry,and want to shut myself away and curl up in a ball and pretend what we are going through as a family isn't real but sadly it is.

The changes in nan now are quite severe,she is not sleeping through the night anymore,she is very frail and hunched over and shuffles when she walks,she crys alot and has started seeing things that are not there,she waves at the television thinking somebody is talking to her and waving at her,she says there are little children in the room when there isn't and she talks to them,if any of us went to sit on the sofa she would say "no!be careful you will sit on him"(meaning a child)my uncle would get really frustrated and say "there is nobody there"!,I would not say that,I instead humoured her because she would get distressed if you said there was nobody there.

She started saying "this isn't my house when am I going home"
she would ask for her parents constantly and shout them and cry so i constantly had to reassure her it was sad because I could see now things were so bad,my uncle was hardly sleeping through the night anymore because nan was wide awake,his bedroom was directly across the landing from nans room and he always had his door wide open and nans was always wide open so he could hear everything.

It was quite grim sometimes for my uncle,the only time he could go food shopping was if my aunt was there to look after Nan or if I was there,and it's not like it was a break for him he had to go out for essentials,so he had no break except that and poor nan didn't get a break she was Just stuck in the house day in and day out I honestly felt like we were all going round in circles,myself and aunty and uncle were exhausted and I just knew I had to somehow get some kind of help for them both and also so myself and aunty could have a little time out,we were all running on empty.

Also I was now having to shower my nan and wash her hair for her,she could not do it herself anymore so I would undress her and shower her then dry her and dress her,my aunty also did it if i wasn't there,although I have a big family everything fell on myself and my aunt because nobody else at this time offered to help,we didn't mind doing it but I wished some days the others Chipped in.

Nan had lost her independence completely by now she couldent do much for herself anymore,we had to go upstairs with her every time she went the toilet we could never leave her on her own ever,the subject was brought up once or twice about maybe getting some help in the form of carers and I dont think anybody was keen on the idea and myself included as I thought no we can manage but things were so bad now so I did something and took a gamble and I wasn't sure if anybody would be mad at me but something had to give it was a hard decision but we were getting nowhere fast and I had to do something for nan and my uncle so one day I picked up the phone and made a very important call a call I never thought I would make...........