The long Goodbye

losing her more each day

I knew I would find this part of my book the hardest,it's been quite difficult this far but sitting here now writing this is bringing alot back to me that I must of tried to forget the past three years but I want to continue on and finish this book it's important to me I do that.

I cant say nan enjoyed going to the carers every week for three times a week,she was confused enough as it was without going to a strangers home but as I've said in previous chapters it was important she got out of the house and her and my uncle had time apart now and then,

She would come home from the carers home and remember bits of what she had done there,they did activities and played music and things,I think a few times nan had been a bit disruptive whilst there but I couldn't blame her it was all so strange to her she had never been one for mixing with anyone but her own family her whole life,she had told me years before she had never been good socialising with anybody outside of the family.

It's strange you know,on one hand i felt happy that she was getting out of the house and seeing other people but on the other hand I felt guilty and often thought did I do the right thing in sorting all this out?did she not like it?honestly with that disease the constant conflicting thoughts I would have its like I was in turmoil as well as my nan,I just had to keep telling myself it was for the best,I mean what was the alternative?holed up in the home that was now her prison and my uncle getting sick because he had no break.

I found nan soon started getting used to it though after a while and I could see a change for the better in my uncle and to be honest I felt less stressed,I still went too see nan when she wasn't at the carers house as I still bathed her and changed her and wanted to see how she was so ultimately it worked out for the best,my gamble paid off thankfully.

Nans memory was getting alot worse by now,the one thing my family always dreaded was nan forgetting who we were,it was secretly my fear too,and I expect lots of other family's feel exactly the same,by now nan never mentioned her late husband which was unheard of since he had passed some seven years earlier,and I noticed she was forgetting names all the time I knew it wouldent be long before she completely forget us all..........