The long Goodbye

It's bad now

Nan has got much much worse,the deterioration is speeding up somewhat,it's definitely getting harder for my uncle and its making myself and my aunt feel extremely tired and drained not to mention breaking our hearts.

Nan is now constantly saying "i want to go home i don't live here this isn't my home"!,she is constantly asking for her mum and dad which is the worst thing ever because obviously they are not here anymore,(a very common thing with dementia asking for parents)her home is like her prison now because she doesn't think she lives there,if we try to get her into bed she says "it's not my bed i sleep at home with my mam and dad",so everything is a struggle now a battle.

Nan has started knocking on the window in the living room trying to get out,she also sees things outside whilst sitting in the chair like a child or a car or something when all that is out there is bushes and trees that's her view from her chair in the living room,(many hallucinations with dementia)she also sees children in the living room too and she pats them on the head as if they were there and talks to them,she has always loved children so im not suprised by that behaviour.

The worst thing nan was doing was going to the front door and shouting "help"and banging on the door to get out,she would do this alot and all my uncle could do was just sit there while she did it,it would be more trouble than it was worth to try and get her to sit down he also had to start locking the door from the inside in the daytime in case nan got out,i would call my uncle on the phone the times I wasn't there and it broke my heart hearing my nan crying and banging on the door like she did,the suffering that woman went through was absolutely horrendous and i still get angry about it,i Cant shake it off because she was such a good woman she didn't deserve it but then nobody deserves it,it's a cruel unforgiving disease.

Her appetite was barely there she would play with her food (another common trait with dementia)she just wasn't interested in food and we always had to remind her to have a drink,we would make her a cup of tea or some juice and put it next to her and she would Just forget it was there,i wouldent be suprised if the disease destroyed her taste buds like it did everything else,it ravages the body and mind like a cancer it doesn't care who the host is it just penetrates deeply burrowing into the body the black poison taking over the mind leaving everyone it touches completely helpless and at its mercy.

I hate the word i hate the disease I hate what it did to her how it destroyed my family and tore us apart,i hope and pray there is a cure one day before it destroys more lives,the medication given slows the disease down but does not cure it,my nan had medication to slow it down but it only worked for so long as will be the case with many.if anybody reading has a loved one with dementia or has lost somebody they loved to the disease i'd be interested to hear your take on it or how you coped etc,it's not easy to talk about i know i still struggle nearly 3 and a half years on.if anyone reading is going through this right now stay strong and just do the best you can your love for the person will see you through.