Fat Girl ✔️

Part one: The story begins

I gained five pounds.

How was that possible? I spent practically my entire time at that stupid sleep away camp just running and hiking and bicycling. 

I couldn't have gained five pounds. I told Mom there was something wrong with the scale.

...Of course I didn't tell my mother about the pack of Oreos hidden under my mattress.

Or the mozzarella sticks disguised as tampons.

I kept telling myself it was okay. It wasn't like I hadn't been fat before. People at school called me "Extra-large" last year. What were they gong to call me this year? "Extra-extra large"?

In all honesty, I didn't even care about the extra weight. I felt the same. It was the look of disappointment in Mom's face that stung the most.

I kept waiting for her to accept me. To give up the diet ideas and meal plans and just love her daughter no matter what size I was. But with every tiny shirt she bought me, every pair of jeans that didn't fit, every extra helping... I was just reminded of what a failure I was to her.

I avoided her eyes as they shot daggers at me.

"God, what did you do at that camp, Ellie? Sit in the mess hall and stuff your face with meat loaf?"

Jackie, my little sister, crossed her arms and smirked from her place behind Mom. She always found a way to patronize me.

At just fourteen, her life was already more put together than mine. She was a varsity volleyball player with straight A's, hundreds of friends, a strict diet, and a smart mouth. Basically, she was my mother's dream kid.

I scowled, waiting for Mom to say something. To defend me, or even scold Jackie. But she did nothing. Mom and Jackie were always a team. The dynamic duo. And I was just... me.

I found myself missing Dad a lot these days. Before, I never cared about how close Mom and Jackie were. I always had Dad. I was his little girl. But without him, I felt more alone than ever. I had no one to defend me except myself.

"Shut up, you nosy little-"

"Eleanor." Mom gave me a warning look. Her face was tight. I could tell she was trying not to lash out. At the beginning of the summer, she had been so excited to send me off, taking a 'before' picture and joking about how she wouldn't be able to recognize me when I got back.

Go ahead and take the 'after' picture, mom.

I lowered my head and stepped off the scale, waiting to be scolded. But instead of yelling at me, Mom only shook her head and walked away.

Somehow that was worse.

Jackie snickered. " Go to your room Ellie, and chomp on that stash of goldfish under your pillow." She mimicked my mothers disapproving tone.

Mom turned around, her face filled with frustration. " Your stash of what?!? "

***

I added finishing touches to my makeup in the mirror, calming my nerves. I'd had an outfit picked out the night before, but when I found it on the bed in the morning, it somehow looked ten times more ugly. After thirty minutes in my closet, I finally decided on a pair of jeans and a plain shirt.

As I grabbed my bag, I looked back at a picture on my shelf. Dad smiled down at a baby me.

I paused, brushing my finger over the picture.

"I miss you so much," I whispered. 

Just then, my phone buzzed. It was Sydney: Outside.

I took one more look at the photo before heading downstairs.

***

"Senior year, baby! You excited or what?!"

Sydney pulled up in her bright red convertible, or as I liked to call it, her gasoline-powered baby. Her strawberry blonde hair cascaded past her shoulders and she smiled up at me through her bright lipstick.

"You know I am!" I yelled back, running down the driveway.

Bella sat in the passenger seat, her big glasses covering half of her face. "I can't believe childhood is over," She mumbled as she looked down into her lap and her thick back hair fell into her face.

I hopped into the back seat and gave Bella a tight hug over the headrest. Through the rearview mirror, I caught a glimpse of her tiny face and her full pink cheeks. I smiled.

I'd known Bella for as long as I could remember. We met in the first grade, back when making friends was easy and cliques were non-existent.  She always sat in the back of the room, shifting her dark hair so it covered her face. She was shy and quiet, and back then I was loud and rambunctious. I found her with her face buried in a book, and I gave her a soft nudge.

I remembered asking her why she didn't hang out and make friends, and she said,

"I don't need real friends. All my friends are in books. They keep me company and they never leave me."

I took her hand. "Everyone needs real friends, silly."

A few weeks later, Bella finally invited me to her house, and whatever I had been expecting to see faded away. Her library was the biggest room in the house. It was books, books, more books- and a small bed in the corner of the room.

Even now, as we started senior year, Bella cradled a book in her lap. I smiled and hugged her tightly. 

"Childhood isn't over yet," I assured her. "I have a feeling this year's gonna be one for the books."

"Let's get this party started!" Sydney sang as she started the car.

Bella and I had met Sydney sophomore year of high school. She used to be the queen bee of our high school, Kingston High. She had tons of friends, the best boyfriend in the world, and never had a problem in her life, other than what clothes to wear.

Then it all stabbed her in the back.

She fell for Kyle, a cute nerd who had been tutoring her after school They'd only been seeing each other for a few weeks when her ex-boyfriend Shawn found out. 

Shawn's ego was bruised when he found out that his girlfriend left him for a geek, so he spread a nasty rumor about her. Just like that, everything fell apart.

Her friends cut off all ties with her, and she fell through the social hierarchy before Spring Break.  She met Bella and I while crying in the girls bathroom. 

She and Kyle had been going strong for a year.

I was proud of Sydney for how far she had come, she was strong and independent and was so much less insecure than she had been before.

I leaned back in my seat as Sydney pulled out of the driveway, turning up the radio. As we cruised down the street, I tried to push thoughts of Mom and the scale to the back of my mind. I wouldn't let this morning ruin my first day.

And there it was- the nerd, the loser and the fatty- making their way to school.

Whatever I was, fat or not, I knew one thing for sure.

I would never be alone.

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