The Daddy Diaries

14

I'm sobbing.

Today is such an emotional day for me.

"Harry what's wrong?" Louis asks as he comes into my bedroom as I'm curled up on my bed.

"I'm emotional right now is all." I sniffle.

"What for?"

"Opal is two months old today."

"Awe Harry." Louis said starting to laugh. "Are you really that emotional about it?"

"Yes!" I say loudly into my pillow.

"Why?"

"Because she's growing up too fast, that's why."

"Harry she's going to have to grow up someday."

"No." I said shaking my head. "I don't want her to grow up."

"Harry-" Louis sighed and sat down next to me. He started to rub my back as he talked next, "-Opal is going to grow up. That just happens. But you shouldn't be so sad about two months. That's nothing. She can barely pick up her head."

I sighed and turned my head so I could see Louis as I laid down.

"I guess you're right."

"I am right. You have nothing to worry about right now."

"Well I'm still sad."

"What else is wrong?"

"It's been two months since Lottie's death."

Louis sighed, stopped rubbing my back, and laid down next to me.

"I've been thinking about her too today."

"Are you sad?" I whispered.

"Yeah." Louis nodded. "I'm very sad." Louis spoke trying to hold back some tears. "Even if she was on moms side about the whole gay thing, she's still my sister. We had such an amazing time together growing up as kids and it makes me so angry that I was over seas while she died. I can't believe I wasn't here for her."

"I wasn't there for her either." I said wiping tears off of my cheeks.

"What?" Louis asked confused. "I don't understand."

"Well Lottie and I broke up right before my birthday and I never knew why. Turns out she got pregnant on New Years and broke up with me because she didn't want to have me get upset at her."

"Harry I'm so sorry."

"I'm so upset that it sickens me to think that I wasn't there for her. I got her special little miracle while she died and never got to hold her once." I said and began to sob at the last part of that sentence.

"Oh Harry." Louis said and scooted over to me.

Louis wrapped his arms around me and I cried into his neck.

Today had me wrapped up in so many emotions.

"It will be okay." Louis whispered to me as he stroked my hair. "You'll find happiness someday. Trust me. You even have Kendall to fill the hole right now."

"She's not working." I hiccuped.

"Well someone who's just as amazing as Lottie will come around one day, alright?"

"But what if I never meet someone like her ever again?"

"You will. Don't think so negatively."

He then let go of me and we both sat up because Opal started to cry for a bottle.

I got up and got her out of her crib.