On The Edge of Invisible.

Chapter 4 • almost alone

Matthew

I let my eyes slowly wander her; her dark blue eyes were like huge oceans of sadness. They were hard to miss yet hard to see as they hid beneath her thick brown hair. I'd always hated brown hair but in that very moment I had never seen brown hair look so incredibly beautiful.

Grace.

The name had always reminded me of church. Though, church and I never really got along, as I had stopped going to church a while back, though I never told anyone why. It wasn't like I didn't believe in god, even though some times I wondered where he was, I still believed in him. It was more of a 'when you eat at a restaurant and it gives you food poisoning, so you never go back' sort of thing. Except I wasn't throwing up and it wasn't a restaurant, it was a church.

I felt pain as I got lost in the memory;

• Flashback •

"Ey Matt," I heard him behind me but I shoved my eat buds further into my ears trying to pretend I hadn't. "I know you can hear me you buck teethed freak."

My eyes clenched as he pulled the ear buds harshly out of my ears. I felt the pair of hands on my neck and before I knew it my back crashed against the wall, I felt my head throb against the smooth drywall and the metallic taste of blood in my mouth. I could barely breathe. His hands wrapped around my neck like a snake, but I somehow managed to croak the words out, "What do you want?"

I watched his eyes glow with joy, as if hurting me was his biggest pleasure in life, "I want you to keep this on the down low you hear me? If I find out your mother found out from you, I'll end you, I'll end your sister, I'll end your brother, and I'll end your precious mother, do you understand?"

I nodded briskly but only so I could get away. His eyes blazed with newfound fiery as he screamed in my face, "I ASKED, DID YOU UNDERSTAND?"

I was running out of air as I mumbled the empty, meaningless words, "Yes sir."

He glared hard at me as he released his hands. I fell to the ground gasping as my lungs burned with an invisible fire. I couldn't tell if the pain in my chest or the pain in my head was more paralyzing. The tears were in my eyes before I could decide if it was too feminine to cry. The monster left the room leaving me alone to what, at the time, seemed like a painful death. I took in shallow breaths as I felt tears slowly drop down my cheeks and onto the hard floor. The dimmed lighting in the church made it hard to see as tears blurred my eyes. I spotted the alter across the room gleaming with false hope. The same alter I'd seen an act of betrayal I could never share. The rings had become simple metal, the I do's pointless words, and my soon-to-be step-father a fraud.

I decided that day I couldn't bear to be in a church ever again, not without being constantly reminded of the lies I was hiding from the one person in my life who meant the most.

• End of Flashback •

"Matt?"

I was abruptly brought back into reality with Grace's voice. She seemed to be doing that a lot.. bringing me back. I looked at her intently, and decided that she was the accurate description of her name, and not even my negative memory of 'grace' could tarnish or mar the eloquence the name, and Grace herself, possessed. I had only known her a mere 20 minutes, and already she had altered my perspective in a positive way. Fear swam in my chest. I avoided the thought by responding to Grace, "Yeah?"

"Are you alright?" She asked cautiously.

"Yeah, why?"

"I've been calling your name for like 5 minutes."