Stay (ManxBoy)

Prologue

Prologue

05-05-2015

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A lump forms in my throat as I see her walking down the aisle with her father besides her, their arms locked together. It's almost impossible not to notice how her dress fits perfectly on her 'petite' frame. With the long vail that's floating behind her (which makes her seem even more fragile than she is) and a couple of brides-maids following her, making sure they avoid stepping on the dress as they look down at the ground.

I can see the love in her eyes, the look of pure excitement as she takes in my clothed form, (a way too expensive suit covering my body) which she hopes she'll see by the end of the night, but that thought makes me want to cry.

The knowledge of having another person's hands on my body, the hands of a woman nonetheless, makes me want to puke and run away to beg him for his forgiveness. But something inside of me knows that this is the best for us, for our relationship and for the rest of our lives. We will never be accepted here, people don't understand love. They think it's a thing you can choose and if one chooses to be gay, they must be out to sin, to destroy their society.

Slowly she walks closer to me, the smile on her face becoming more prominent as she sees my watering eyes. She must think I am emotional because of her, but I am emotional because of him, be-cause he never leaves my mind.

With every breath I take I can see her coming closer to me and with every steps she takes, I become more nervous.

And then she's here, in front of me, her hands locked with mine. Her father gives me one last threatening glare, warning me not to break her heart and to keep the promises that I will be stating in less than a minute. In front of her whole family, a part of the society and Father Joseph, the one who can ruin lives in the blink of an eye, all in God's name. If he finds out about him, he will make sure to ruin my life, to make the people here believe that God never wanted people from the same gender to love each other.

I can't stand to look her in the eyes, to lie to her while stating my false promises. While saying that I love her and to break her heart unknowingly by always looking for him.

I slowly rub my thumbs on the back of her hand, but I can't stop myself from thinking about him. About how his skin is softer and more pure and about how he would never have betrayed me the way I am betraying him. It's too late to back out now though. I can only hope that he will forgive me and that he'll try to understand why I did this.

'Dear children of God, you have come to this church so that the Lord may seal your love in the presence of the priest and this community.'

As the words start flowing through the room I get more and more nervous. There won't be a way back after I say 'I do'.

'Christian marriage is a sacred union which enriches natural love. It binds those who enter it, to be faithful to each other for-ever; it creates a bond between them that endures for life and can-not be broken.'

I can see the happiness in her eyes grow as the vows get spoken out loud. This is something she has been dreaming of since she was a little girl and now I am here to crush that dream for her. To make her understand that this marriage is far from a fairytale.

'It demands that they love and honor each other, that they ac-cept the children from God, that he may give them and bring them up in love.'

For just a few seconds it feels as if my heart stops beating, as if the whole world just stops the constant turning. I hadn't even put thought into children, into having kids of my own. And now here I am, probably going to be a father in less than ten months.

How will I be able to stay with him if I can't leave her behind. If I can't just say that I am leaving them all behind, Charlotte, the community and the place that I have come to hate.

'To help them in their marriage, the husband and wife receive the life-long grace of the sacrament. Is this your understanding of marriage?'

I stare nervously at her, trying not to show that I'd rather be running away than holding her hands in this church. But I don't have a choice, I remind myself, and with that I speak up, at the same time that the words roll of her tongue.

'It is.'

I unconsciously squeeze Charlotte's hands as I think of what will come next. We have practiced this time and time again, rehearsed it until I could dream it. The declaration of consent.

Charlotte looks me in the eye and gives me a reassuring smile, still thinking that I am just nervous because of the fact that we'll be married within minutes. And she's right, but the reason behind it is completely different.

I look around the room, checking to see if all the people we invited are really here. But all those people give me the same look, a reminder to keep myself to the promises I'm about to make.

'You may speak your vows,' the Priest says as my silence goes on for a bit too long.

With one last nervous look around the room I open my mouth and let the words slip away.

'Do you, Charlotte Louise Demoins, consent to be my lawfully wedded wife?'

Unlike me, Charlotte doesn't take her time to think over her an-swer. She already knows what she wants to say.

'I do. And do you, Alexander Finley Donahew, take me as your lawfully wedded wife?'

In a shaky voice I whisper my yes.

She takes one final breath before giving a small nod, signaling me that it's time. Time to speak out the only thing that keeps us from being husband and wife. The one thing that has kept me sane, until now. It's only now that I can't keep them inside me anymore. All my feelings pour out of me as tears run down my cheeks. I hear the aw's fill the room and I can't help but to cry harder.

With a thrilling voice I begin.

'To love each other truly, for better and for worse, for richer and for poor, in sickness and in health, till death do us part.'

I close my eyes and take a deep breath, this is it. We will be of-ficially married now. I will live my life, maybe happy, probably not. But I will have to live my life without him, without the real love of my life.

'What God joins together men must not separate. May the Lord confirm the consent that you have given, and enrich you with his blessings. You may now kiss the bride.' And that is when the last "single man" breath leaves my body and all hope leaves with it too.

I will officially be hers now, and he cannot be a part of it.

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A/N: Hi guys! So the prologue is here!

Please comment and vote and let me know what you think of it!! .^_^.

~Noortje