White Lily - A Peter Pan Fanfiction [2/3]

Chapter 3

Walking into the library, I held my breath at my sudden gust of nerves. Was I actually going to find out what happened...after I died? 

The library was completely empty and in all honesty, it looked like it hadn't been used in decades: cobwebs, dust, closed blinds. I walked beside Hercules, my eyes scanning across the books and multiple shelvings of them. Not knowing what to even look for, I let out a small sigh and waited for Hercules to find it, pausing in my tracks.

"It's not going to be some book that's sitting on a pillar, glowing, right?" I mumbled, folding my arms. The boy laughed, looking over to me just as turned to face a shelf. 

"Not exactly," he said and he reached up and pulled down a book: it was quite thick, coarse green edges and a golden paper trim. It was covered in dust and Hercules blew softly onto its cover, a poof of dust erupting in front of his face. "This should be it."

"And you happen to be a librarian, too," I grumbled, kind of annoyed at the fact that he apparently knew everything about this place. Without words, he placed his finger on the book's rim and it read:

P A N

"It's in alphabetical order," Hercules smirked and I rolled my eyes, reaching out and snatching the book from his hands without thinking. Staring down at the plain and dull object, my thumb rubbed against the paper, my soul feeling like it was drowning and sinking into its depths. This book...did it have his entire life written in these papers? Was it set out in information or in stories? Would I find something I don't like? Would...I find me, engraved in his life forever? Swallowing down the lump in my throat, I continued to stare, my thoughts wavering about until Hercules placed his hand on mine, lowering the book. "I can find what happened for you." I smiled for a second or two but shook my head gently, pursing my lips.

"No, I can do it," I squeaked and walked over to the small table placed in the centre of this side room. Putting down the book, I let out a sigh and opened the cover, automatically skipping to the end. I wasn't interested in his past...I didn't fancy reading about his manipulation over me. Skimming through the pages, I realised my hands were shaking but I didn't think twice about it and nor could I deny that I was nervous. Why? I didn't really know myself - I just was. I need to find out what happened after I died.

Scanning...scanning...there! The words "loyalty" and "Felix" stood out to me and subconsciously holding my breath, I read the scene. It felt strange: it was both informative and story-like. I tried to read quickly, as I could feel my chest tightening. I knew what happened here. Pan killed Felix for the curse. And as I read those words, I momentarily closed my eyes, feeling them sting. Pan killed his most trusted friend just so he could live forever. He used me for the same reason - how many other victims are there? I swallowed down the lump in my throat, opening my eyes as I felt Hercules' hand on my arm. When I met his gaze, they were soft and reassuring, whereas mine were clouded with tears. 

"Serena -" but I shook my head, clearing my throat and quickly brushing away the tears as I continued to read on. From the sounds of things, it seemed like Pan was succeeding...until Rumple came along and changed that. I read his death, feeling empty inside. I didn't know how to react and how to react, but there was only one thing I was certain of: I still couldn't bear to go and see him. It's not like he had made the effort to try and see me anyway. 

I closed the book and handed it to Hercules, looking at the floor and feeling...tired. 

"I never want to see this book again."

PAN'S POV

Pan had his back arched over, his head against his folded arms that was placed against the glass table. He hadn't left the stupid store since he got there and everyday, his mind was tearing him up inside. He couldn't smell, taste, nor feel but Hades had made sure of something: he could still feel his love for Serena. Taking a deep breath, he finally heaved himself back into a standing position, fixing up his suit as he stared at the door. 

Every waking hour, he hoped that Serena would walk in and react in the most perfect way: completely and utterly in love with him. But Pan knew better: if she was, she would have already visited and that meant...she had her eyes opened. He speculated that death would return her memories and it seems that had been the case. 

Swallowing down the lump in his throat, Pan clenched his fists, placing them on the table and leaning over once again, his glassy reflection staring back at him. He was torn between facing her and staying in this hellish store that, everyday, reminded him of his defeat and failure. 

But he did know why he wasn't going out there and trying to find her. After all, she had every right to be mad at him...but he finally made the choice to put her first. If she loves me, she'll come to me...and if not, I'll live in death with that burden. It's all my fault. Everything is - he started going on with a self-hatred in his mind, groaning audibly in frustration before smashing his fist into the wall behind him. 

Please, Serena. Come back to me.

SERENA'S POV

Hercules and I were back in the street, walking side-by-side in silence. My hands were (once again) in my trench coat pockets as my eyes stared down at the grotty concrete path. I was tired - exhausted, even, and I didn't know how to make the feeling go away. I just...for goodness sakes, I was dead and yet, I was still battling my demons. I lifted my eyes, looking around at the reddened road before my eyes found the store I had been avoiding since my arrival. My bottom lip dropped, my eyes staring at the building in some sadistic and pitiful awe. 

That's where Peter was. I wanted to run - I could feel my soul trying to pull itself towards it, but my feet remained stuck on the ground as still as the building itself. I gulped, clenching my jaw; I was thankful Hercules was remaining silent in this moment. 

But I couldn't go and see Peter. Not after everything he had done to me. 

And with that, I lowered my head and walked past it without another glance.