Wings | BTS

MAMA

edited

mama (noun): one's mother

hoseok had always been insecure. his face, his body, his raps, his dances, they were nothing compared to the others. he hated it. they were the kind of people to draw other in with a mere glance and yet hoseok had to work so hard to even get noticed.

he groaned softly as he tossed and turned in his bed. the others were out doing who knows what and hoseok was at the dorms all alone and just done.

there wasn't anything good on tv at seven in the evening, all the decent shows being earlier in the afternoon. he rolled over, facing the wall and picked up his phone, choosing to go through social media.

he quickly posted a picture, captioning it with "home alone and barefaced" before posting it.

the picture received likes within seconds, quickly piling up with comments and likes. hoseok opened up the comments, starting from the top of the 638 comments that had come in.

all it took was one mean comment to bring hoseok happiness down. all it said was that he was ugly, but it struck him in the heart like an arrow piercing through his chest.

his body felt heavy as he got up to trudge to the bathroom and stare at his face in the mirror. he ran his hands over his cheeks, his jawline, down his neck. he lays his hands trial down his chest and stomach, down the tops of his thighs and along the veins in his arms.

he reached out and pulled open the medicine cabinet, grabbing the first bottle of pills he found. antidepressants, the ones he had been on for nearly a year now, but stopped taking them after a few months. there was well over half the bottle left, and hoseok decided that it would be enough.

he tipped the bottle out onto the counter, letting the yellow and red pills spill out, some falling into the sink and onto the floor by his feet. it didn't matter, he would take them all anyway.

he picked a pill and a glass that had been sitting in the bathroom for who knows how long. he downed the pill with a gulp of water and picked up another.

for my ugliness.

he popped another four pills in his mouth.

for my uselessness.

for my stupidness.

for me being so weak.

for the sake of that comment.

he felt himself getting slightly lightheaded but ignored it as he continued to pick up pills and swallow them, not even bothering with water anymore.

before he knew it the bottle was empty. hoseok had taken every pill for something he found wrong with himself, something he hated that he didn't have.

he picked up one final pill off the floor.

i'm sorry. goodbye, world.

and he swallowed the pill.

fall, everything.