Me and my depression goes like buttered toast. Its not the best and yet its always there. I've had depression since 2011 since it had a major impact in my life. My girlfriend Isabella and I were going back home from a special event that she took part in. She had a smile that always brighten my soul inside. It was surprising that later on, Isabella was shot by accident from some robbers who just wanted our money. "She doesn't deserve this." I kept thinking to myself as I tried my best to keep her alive until the ambulance comes but the bullet went to her heart so I was just delaying it. I remember her trying to say something but she was gone after saying "I..."
"I love you? I wanted to be with you more? I hated you?" The thought still runs in my head up to today. Even though my grandparents died before her, I didn't really know them since I was a kid and don't remember much of them but with Liz, I knew her since elementary school and so I felt more than devastated when she passed away.
It was after that depression hit me like a truck. I cut myself on the back in a way of "punishment" for not saving her, thinking of ways to commit suicide I.E bleach, falling off a building, knife in the throat but I never really done any of it(Otherwise you wouldn't be reading this right now).
I tried to be as happy as possible but the usual stuff that makes me happy doesn't work anymore. I tried playing videogames but again, doesn't really work.
@FernandaFosforescent stopped talking to me, which makes my depression worse and now, I don't know what to do. I'm hoping to talk to wingwolf41 since I see her as a sister figure but she's seems to be always busy with something. Tried talking to the rest of my friends but again, they're busy with something. Depression seems to get the better of me these days and I'm aware of what's on the other side. God's abandoned us, closed the gate to both heaven and hell, and doesn't care about us anymore (This might piss off a few christens).
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I just hope reading this didn't made you feel depressed or sad, anyway I'm not sure if this is going to be my last time writing. You can share your depressing times with me if you want, I'm willing to listen.
