My Brother's Best Friend ( A Luke Hemmings Fanfic )

Chapter 18

Warning: Chapter May Contain Self-Harm Triggers

(Sydney's P.O.V.)

Seeing the tears rolling down his face hurts. It hurts because I know I caused them. I know I'm the reason he's spent the past couple weeks with little food, and almost no sleep. I'm the reason the boys might have to postpone their tour. But I'm too selfish to apologize. Seeing him again, I know. I can't do this anymore. I can't cut, hoping to go away. If this is what happens when I hurt myself, I can't do it anymore. It's gonna be hard to get over, but now I want to. 

Everyone in crowded around me, but I hug him tightly, wishing I never had to let go. "Luke... can I talk to you alone?" He looks at me with a soft teary smile and nods. 

"Hey, can you guys clear out for a moment??" They look at him with confusion. I've been awake for about an hour, and still have barely talked. Most of them don't even know why I passed out, at least that's what I'm thinking because Ashton hasn't yelled at me yet. Luke has been crying at least as much a Ash. I don't know whether that should make me happy or not. At least it means he cares. Why he does, I can't tell you.

Lizzie winks at me before urging everyone outside the room. I roll my eyes before moving them to Luke's tearstained face and puffy blood-shot eyes. The door closes with a click, leaving me in Luke in a comfortable yet tense silence. I don't know how that's possible, but it is. I know I have to break it though.

"Luke... Do you know why I passed out?" His eyes move to the floor, head nodding heavily.

"Why?" His voice sounds broken and hurt. 

"Because, Luke. I don't matter, and I shouldn't matter. I've been bullied for years, but haven't told anyone. I hate myself. I'm fat and ugly. I don't deserve life, and I definitely don't deserve to have guys like you in my life." I worry about him taking that as a come-on. Sure, I like him, but I don't want to seem desperate. "Look, I'm different. I feel like I just screw things up for everybody. It's better if you guys don't have to deal with me and my issues. Plus, there's this guy..." His jaw clenches, and I know I'm like his little sister and he's probably just being protective because he considers me family. "He's way out of my league, and I have no chance with him. I think I'm making his life harder by being here. Also, I feel like you and Liz are the only people I can talk to, but I don't want you guys to have that burden. I have way too many issues-"

"Syd, Stop. First off, any guy would be lucky to have you in their corner. This guy is an idiot if he doesn't realize how valuable you are. If he's treating you like shit, I'll beat him up personally. Second, you're beautiful and amazing and I'm so honored that you'd feel this comfortable with me." My heart flutters when he calls me beautiful. "And third, I'd love to carry your burdens. If I can make your load any lighter, it's more than worth it. Your issues are mine. It hurts so much to see you like this. It hurts even more because this was caused by you hating yourself. I get it. I constantly have people telling me I'm worthless. Sometimes I believe it." Suddenly I know how he feels seeing me. He never needs to think he's worthless. He's everything. "But I have to move past those things, and understand that all those people are going through their own shit. I just want you to know... I'll always be here for you, Sydney. Always."

And suddenly years of hating myself disappear. I want to hold onto those things, but Luke said I'm beautiful. And, if only for a moment, I believe it.

A.N. - Hey guys!! Here's another chapter. I hope you like it!! I also went through and edited this whole story. I'll try to be quick in getting another chapter posted. I can't believe I have over 40k views and OVER 1K VOTES!!! I love you guys so much, and want to thank you for everything. I'm so, so sorry I was gone for so long. I'm back now, and plan to stay for a long time. I will be trying to work on my other stories too, though. I love you Penguins!!