letters to hazel

Seven

-Hazel-

Plans with Harry for today made me feel like a giddy school girl. I hadn't felt this excited to be with someone or just to leave the house in a long time. Harry and I were going to meet for coffee and maybe come back to my place after, it all just depended on how it went. I had to admit I was nervous because there was that piece of me that wanted Harry to come back to my place because it just was so much bigger than that. I wanted to things to fall back into the place they were years ago. There was always going to be something inside me that was drawing me back into the place I was with Harry over almost 5 years ago. 

There were so many different things now though. I had a boyfriend, a daughter, and I was an adult. I don't know if Harry would like me the same with all these outside factors coming into play. I think my innocence was something that Harry loved in me and I wasn't sure if I had that now, or if that even mattered now. Harry was also a probably a totally different person too. He might have a girlfriend, maybe a child, or his whole person might be different, I don't know. I always thought Harry and I would have a connection forever, no matter how much time past or no matter what happened to the two of us. I was mature now and I knew that the world just didn't work that. A girl could dream though.

I drove Jade to school and then practically sped home so that I could get ready to see Harry. I didn't want to seem like another person but I wanted to look nice. You never wanted to be someone different or completely hideous when you saw someone that you used to date. You wanted to impress them, show them what they were missing out on, and that is how I felt about Harry. As I looked through my closet my phone began to ring from across the room, it was Adam.

"Hey", I said with a smile on my face. I was happy to hear from him but I think my happiness had came from what I was going to be doing today and where I was going. 

"What are you doing today?", Adam asked," I have work and school this morning but I could be over by lunchtime."

"I would love to but I actually already have plans for this afternoon", I said and I could hear Adam sigh from over the phone. 

"What's going on today?"

"I am going out to lunch and catching up with Harry", I told him and the phone went to silence. I was nervous that Adam was going to have a negative reaction. Him and I didn't talk about Harry that much, maybe I should bring these kind of things up with him.

"Like Harry, Harry Styles. Harry "I kidnapped you when you were 16" Styles? One Direction", he asked and I rolled my eyes. 

"Yes", I said in a soft voice, " That Harry."

"And you trust him?"

"Yes and you should know that. You read the book, you know what it was like between him and I. It was never this scared thing that I hate. I don't hate him at all."

"Fine. I just want you to be safe is all. I'll see you later", Adam said quickly, hanging up the phone without even saying a proper goodbye. 

Adam had never showed any sort of resentment toward Harry. He understood what Harry and I had. When him and I first became friends I let him read the book and he said that I made it easy for everyone to relate to. He said he felt as if anyone who would read it would understand the place where I was coming from at the time. He never minded how I would always love Harry and he never cared I had a child. Having a child scared most people off but he accepted my daughter with open arms. To hear him on the phone know, so cold and a little frustrated was new to me. 

I was dressed and ready to go but know that I knew that I was more nervous than ever. I wanted Harry to be the same person that I had met years ago. I wanted him to know and love me the same way that I used to. I just doubted it all would be like that and that killed me. As I drove over to where Harry and I were meeting I could not stop thinking about it. Butterflies were filling up my stomach and making me more anxious than ever. Even when I arrived in the parking lot, I was just sitting there thinking it all over. I was mulling everything over multiple times. Was I doing the right thing by letting him back into my life? Did he have a right to know how the past five years have been for me like I thought he did?

The coffee shop was empty almost, the only people there had their heads down to their laptops. It was until looking over into the farthest corner of the coffee shop had I seen Harry, he was already looking at me with a smile on his face. Once our eyes met I couldn't help but do the same. He made me smile, he made my knees weak. He made butterflies fly in my stomach and my eyes turn into the red heart emoji.

"How are ya?", Harry asked immediately standing up and hugging me once I got the table. The most familar and comfortable hug I had felt in my whole life. I was somehow safe from the world in his arms while still feeling hopeful and free.

"I'm great! You?"

"Amazing", he said, the both of us finally sitting down after looking each other up and down. There was silence but it felt good. I just wanted to look at him. He looked older somehow but the same. He never really aged. He seemed tired and like his life had put him through hell, but there was a glimmer of hope in his eyes and his smile never faded. He was the same person he had always been just a little older.

"Look, I am so sorry for getting mad at you at the book signing. Your book is amazing, I told you you would never like a life in the media but here you are. You are talented and thriving and I couldn't be more proud of you."