Don't Give Up

I want to...

"I'll give you two some privacy." Lindsey said, once he took Mick to Stevie. "Zack and I will be outside in the backyard if you need me." 

Stevie gave a nod of her head, then showed Mick to take a seat, once Lindsey left them alone. Sitting down with great distance, Stevie faced Mick, waiting for him to speak. It wasn't easy to find something justifiable to say. Glancing at Stevie briefly, Mick felt as if he was about eight years old, in the principal's office for one of his pranks. 

"I'm sorry."

"I know you are. You've told me that about a hundred times already."

Nodding his head, Mick exhaled heavily, realizing this wasn't going to go away just like that. "I thought I was doing the right thing, Stevie. Lindsey called me late in the evening, telling me what was going on. He said that he knew you were going to come look for him and seeing you might have changed his mind."

"And that's somehow a bad thing?" Stevie scoffed, folding her arms over her chest. "God forbid, he didn't want to divorce me!"

"That's not what I meant. I thought I knew where Lindsey was coming from." Shrugging his shoulders, he continued. "He seemed so convinced that he was hurting you by staying with you. I didn't really take time to think what I was agreeing to. I didn't think of you, Julia, Zack... Apparently, I didn't think of the baby either."

"In what world helping your friend run away from his wife is considered okay? Sure, I fucked up too. But once I realized, I wanted to fix things so badly. I wanted to see Lindsey and tell him what a huge mistake he was making. I wanted to tell him that I'm pregnant, but you, for some reason, decided that his plan was a better one, that you needed to help him hide from me. From his wife. I'm not a... a criminal, I simply wanted my family back together."

"I understand that now, Stevie. I will always regret it. It was never the right thing to do, I get it. I should have called him an idiot and brought you to him myself." Pausing for a minute, Mick chewed on his lips, then turned to Stevie. "Lindsey cried. I don't think I've ever seen him cry." Stevie felt her throat close up. "The man thought he was utterly useless to you. He thought he was no good as a husband or a father. Stevie, he was so depressed. He genuinely thought this was the only way to solve this."

Fighting back tears, Stevie took a deep breath, before attempting to speak. "But if not the person who loves you the most, who else is going to help you through what he was experiencing? I didn't care, he could still be lying in bed, unable to walk, and I would still love him with all of my heart."

"And Lindsey knows that now. Once that... fog was lifted, once he opened his eyes and saw things for what they are, he knew that the last thing you were concerned about was him being paralyzed."

"What if it didn't happened?" Stevie asked, lip trembling. "What if Mark hadn't overheard your message and he hadn't gone to see Lindsey?"

"But it did happen. I'm sure your mind is still filled with what ifs, but it shouldn't be. Not anymore. You have him back, Stevie. Your kids have him back. Isn't that what matters the most? I know this doesn't excuse my actions, but..."

"Maybe you're right. Maybe I shouldn't dwell on the past any longer. Even though some of the things aren't yet in the past..." She trailed off, causing Mick to frown.

"What do you mean by that?"

Stevie teared up again, explaining to Mick that Lindsey tried playing guitar a few days ago and it didn't go very well. She told him that Lindsey was upset and that they hadn't really been talking much. She said, she was afraid they were losing the progress they had made.

"Hey." Mick stepped out on the terrace, where Lindsey was sitting, watching over his son. 

"How did it go?" Lindsey asked, looking over his shoulder, once he heard Mick's voice.

"Better than expected. She's too good of person to hold grudges." Sitting down, Mick's mind was racing, thinking of how to bring up the subject. Just ask. "Stevie told me that... she said, you can't play. I'm sorry to hear that, mate, but with practice, I'm su-"

"I can play." Lindsey cut Mick off mid sentence.

"What? But Stevie said she found your guitar thrown on the floor and you were upset, you two haven't even been talking."

Sighing, Lindsey remained silent for a minute, then explained in a low voice, so Stevie didn't overhear. "I was afraid to find out if I still could. We talked about it, she left me alone and I needed to know. I picked up the guitar and it was as if nothing had changed."

"Then why..." Mick was confused, not understanding Lindsey's reasoning for lying.

"I realized that it meant the same hectic life we've led for years. It meant going back to the studio, finishing the album, embarking on a massive tour... I love music. I love and appreciate what it's given me, but to achieve it all, many sacrifices had to be made. I missed Julia's childhood because of albums and tours, parties. I missed her growing up to be the young woman she is today. I would lock myself up in the studio for days, she didn't see me. I barely spent any time with my kid. Having that surgery, suffering a stroke... I realized how quickly it could all be taken away from me. I might not have a choice anymore, whether I want to do this or that, one day it could all just disappear. I don't want that. I just... I want to be with my family. I want to see Zack growing up, I want to help Stevie with our baby girl when she's born as much as I can. I want to be the husband Stevie deserves. Instead of turning my back to the most important people in the world to me, because I need to work out a melody or finish writing words to some song, I want to be there for them. Always." Facing Mick, Lindsey said with conviction in his voice. "I want to quit."