❝was it even real, cause if it was real, where the fuck are you going❞
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mark stares up at the ceiling, his head against the door to jaebum's room. he can hear jinyoung's sobbing and he can hear jaebum's whispers and he can hear how they calm jinyoung down.
he could never do that. he'd whisper the exact same things, but.. it just seemed useless. everything seemed useless except jaebum, and mark felt utterly played and broken, even though jinyoung did him no wrong, really.
"how do you not know?", he whispers to the air, his torso shaking softly with self-degrading laughter. he knows how pathetic he is. he also knows that either one of them could open the door and find him looking like an absolute wreck, but mark doesn't particularly care about any of that right now.
all he cares about is how his heart tears apart when jackson suddenly sits next to him, his eyes betraying a look of pity. mark wants to die, he hates how jackson thinks he's something to be pitied. "are you okay?", jackson whispers, making sure to be quiet enough, so that jaebum and jinyoung can't hear them.
"i don't- know", mark stutters out, hating how he sounds so broken, so vulnerable and sad.
jackson sighs. "i do. the answer is pretty damn obvious", he talks in english, so that even if heard, they couldn't exactly be understood.
mark doesn't say anything though. he just silently approves jackson's answer, both of them knowing he was right.
it's somehow peaceful. everything stands still for mark and he feels at peace, even though the pain is still coursing through his being, it's okay. he's going to be okay.
or, at least that's what he tries to tell himself, when he breaks down in tears and silent sobs and feels jackson pick him up - mark wonders too how he did it so easily - and the younger brings him back to their room.
it's going to be okay, jackson tells him that too. only this time, he's lying, and mark knows. they both know.
at the end, mark's wish has to come true, and, at the end, it probably will. but it'll hurt, hurt so much and mark isn't sure if he's ready for the pain. he'll take it, though. he always has.
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so legit this is such a shitty chapter that ive been writing for like weeks tbh???? and i just wanna like put more of an accent on how actually importanto mark is in this story??? u feel?? imjusslike hes important oKAY-
also this story will soon have a lot of AU material so:))))))) be prepared ily
