21

o8

[21]
➶o8

"i'm only thinking about going back to that day.
do you think of that day sometimes too?"

❝getting up on my feet after almost two weeks, i finally set my mind that i couldn't be moping inside our "used to be shared" house, forever.

i have to get up and somehow, even if i know it's impossible—move on and live. looking at the disheveled and disoriented man who stood infront of the mirror, i knew that i had a lot of things to fix in myself.

i have to man up and straighten up, who knows? i might be able to get over a heartbreak sooner than i thought but first, i have to have a different environment and . . . as much as it was going to tear me apart, guess i have to move into another place.

i remember myself coughing and finding myself sick, my body needed medication in order to be well again. deciding on visiting a clinic, a sudden feeling of déjà vu run through my body as the thought of haeun ran in my mind but . . . thinking light of the image that flashed inside my head, i decided to just brush off the thought.

"oh my room 428 is at it again! everyone hurry up to our aid!"

i remember myself hear one of the staffs scream on top of her lungs as she asked for some help, i decided that it wasn't my business but for some reason my heart started to ache for an unknown reason and i couldn't understand the reason behind.

I was on my way out of from the general check-up and for some reason my feet were suddenly glued on the floor

"we need all the staff! miss kim haeun needs help!"

at the mention of those words, i remember myself standing frozen in thought as my ears perked up while my eyes widened in shock. trying to compose myself and not letting the impending heart break to get over me, i never could've imagined myself running to the reception as i asked the name and age of the girl who stayed at the room 428.

"the patient is named kim haeun aged 24 and she has been staying here for almost two weeks"

"t—two weeks but why . . . why is she at—"

i found myself finally losing it when i heard the little piece of information and i couldn't grasp the right words and explanation of this.

why?

"sir apologies but, that is already a classified information. may i know just who are you to the pati—"

"i am her fucking husband and if you don't tell me every single thing about the patient, i swear you will see all hell come on its lose"

"the patient has stage four lung cancer, sir"

after the big revelation that i didn't expect to happen, i remember myself walking through an intensive care unit room, upon entering the vicinity— the sight couldn't just help but make my heart churn with so much pain.

tubes, pale skin, thinning body and eyes pooling with tears came into my view once i entered the room. there, the woman i've loved for almost about four years lay limply as our eyes finally met and i can sense the frailty in her state, oh dear why.

why did you had to lie?

eyes glossing with so much pain and sadness, i found myself losing all the strength i had in my body as i stepped closer and closer to her weak self before i finally found myself sitting on the stool beside her bed. i was careful when i held her hand, so afraid to break her with the slightest movement—oh god, i remember how much it made me feel so warm when our skins finally touched after just about two weeks.

how ironic it is that when i met her again, life was pouring in me while hers was slowly meeting its end.

struggling to speak, i finally found the words came out of my mouth.

"why . . my love . . . why did you had to lie and pretend that you had someone else?"

tears filled both of our eyes and her eyes were enough to tell me so much.

"why did you had to face this on your own again?"

i remembered her tightly squeezing my hand as i saw how her hand made its way against my skin to trace the words "sorry"

"you promised that you'd let me worry and that you'd let me take care of you for the rest of your life but why . . . why did you want to face this on your own?"

"why, haeun . . . why did you do this again like when we were twenty-one?"

"i love you so much haeun. you are my woman, my only one why—"

"i . . . i wanted your life to continue . . . and i didn't want you to be trapped with me"

"but you are my life"

"you deserve to be happy and i want to let go of you, jeongguk. . ."

at the mention of those words, i never thought i could ever cry tremendously in my whole lifetime as i feel pain slowly tore my heart into pieces

"but i don't want to, haeun"❞