In One Day, I Promise (Legolas FanFic)

12. I am no God

"I trust you have everything you need?"

I mounted Celeglim, whilst Haldir watched as we prepared to leave. We had been given food and fresh clothes, and Lamas bread and packs with water and blankets. It was early the next morning, and sleep still hung over me like a hazy daze.

I couldn't help smile to myself as I thought about Legolas' and mine conversation the previous evening, how the head-strong façade that we both portrayed had finally fallen. I smiled the myself, and felt Celeglim paw the ground in anticipation.

Keeping my thoughts to myself, even from the prying mind of the Lady of Lothlórien, I kept the feelings towards Legolas loose in my mind, for to hold them to anything more serious was dangerous in such a cruel and black world; any love I had would surely be ripped away from me, as it already had been. I winced as I thought about who had held my love, because I has tried so hard to convince myself I had never loved before.

But I had loved before. I had loved Saruman, my father, my adopted-father, the White Wizard, or whatever I may call him the fact cannot be ignored that I loved him beyond worlds when I was younger. It hurt me to pretend I harboured deep-set hate for him like many of my companions I had met, as it would be a grave injustice to the man whom cared for and loved me for many years to lie and pretend he never loved me back; before the darkness overruled his soul, he was a great man, and deep down I wanted to tell the people of Middle- earth that they would do well to remember that.

A lone tear slid down my cheek, and I whipped it away quickly.

What's wrong, are you hurt?

I smiled and stroked Celeglim's mane, feeling the soft strands of mane slip between my fingers.

Nay, I am not hurt. I am well, and the guilt for feeling sad when there are others suffering pains me more than any physical hurt would.

Celeglim bowed his head, and swished his mane gently, shifting his weight from foreleg-to-foreleg.

Erynriel. You must not feel guilt for weeping, your own sorrows paragon most, and perspective is an asset given only to the luckiest and the wisest- it is natural to feel pain and sorrow at one's own misfortune, and never let anyone make you guilty for that, nethig.

I bowed my head as more tears spilled down my cheeks, falling onto Celeglim's gently arched neck.

You call me 'nethig'. Why?

Because I have never met someone like you, Erynriel. Nor will I ever, I do believe. You are my sister, my nethig, and I love you for it, so pray you, if you ever forget me or Middle-earth or anybody here, remember one thing: I will always love you.

I felt a power course through me, as I let my tears dry in the crisp morning breeze. Celeglim's words had empowered me, as I looked out into the golden forests, and imagined the world beyond.

Celeglim reared slightly, letting out a snorting sound. I couldn't help but laugh, and any sadness I had felt was brushed away, like the dust flying off Celeglim's eager hooves.

Gellon ned i galar i chent gîn ned i gladhog!

I laughed and Celeglim road on, as we trotted to catch up with Legolas, who had already set off ahead.

"No veran, savo 'lass a lalaith!" Haldir called after me, and I turned around and waved to him.

We set off on the long journey to Legolas' home of Mirkwood. I had read about the fabled forests before, but Legolas told me things I never knew and explained the social aspects of living as an elf. I listened, fascinated to what he said.