Cabin Calls

i)

"Hi, you've rea-"

"Man, you're such an asshole, you know that? You knew I was saving that, you dick! I swear, the next time I see you I'm going to lock you in a fucking closet and throw away the goddamn key. That was my fucking burrito, David!"

"Uh, first off, I'm not a man, nor am I named David. Secondly, I know nothing about a burrito, a closet, or anyone being locked in one. Thirdly, I think you have the wrong number."

"Oh shit, my bad. Who's this?"

"Oh me? I'm nobody. I just work at the summer camp you happened to misdial during the fit of rage you seem to be in."

"Well, Nobody is a pretty shitty name- wait... your summer camp has a hotline?"

"Is that a problem?"

"Well it's kind of strange."

"Stranger then a guy who calls someone to threaten them over eating a burrito?"

"Touché. So, really, who am I talking to?"

"Nobody, like I said."

"Aw, come on, just tell me."

"I think it's wise not to tell a psychotic sounding stranger, who threatens to lock people in closets over food, my name."

"What if I told you that this psychotic sounding stranger has good looks and incredible charm?"

"..."

"Did it help?"

"Nope, still not gonna tell you. Later, man. Hope your burrito issue is solved with as few casualties as possible."

"Haha, very funny, Miss Nobody."

"..."

"Hello? Girl with a terrible name?"

"..."

"I got hung up on, didn't I?"

"..."

"Well, shit."