Cabin Calls

iv)

"And who do I have the pleasure of speaking to at this fine hour?"

"Yeah, hey, burrito boy. I have a question of my own, if you don't mind me asking."

"Straight to the point, I like the spunk. And hey, you called first this time! Our relationship is moving so fast. I'm not sure if I'm ready for this kind of commitment, Nobody."

"Hey, when I mean business, I don't beat around the bush. And what relationship, burrito boy?"

"Well, that hurts. Anywho, ask away, Nobody. I'm all ears. Oh, also: "Beat around the Bush: the title of your sex tape." Continue, please."

"Was that a-?"

"Yes, yes it was a reference, now please, continue. I'm awaiting anxiously to hear this ever-important question of yours."

"Fine, drama queen. What exactly are you trying to do here?"

"And what do you mean by that?"

"I mean, why are you calling again?After the first misdial, most people would have just moved on and left it at that: a misdial. But you, for some reason, feel the need to call again and again, four separate times. So I ask: why?"

"Well, first off, I have only purposely called three times, not four, thank you very much-"

"You're oh-so-welcome."

"-and secondly, I figured why not?"

"Why not?"

"Yeah, why not. I thought, what's the worst that could happen?"

"Oh I don't know, maybe I'm not actually a teenage girl and I'm actually a thirty year old serial killer who stalks kids via phone and I'm just waiting for the right time to pounce?"

"Well for a thirty year old man you have quite a youthful voice."

"Thank you, I take many vitamins. But anyways, that's really it? You just said fuck it and decided it would be fun to pester a poor old camp counsellor?"

"Well I decided to pester a girl with a shitty name, who may or may not be a thirty year old man trying to kill me, but yes, that was the idea."

"Man, guys are idiots."

"I hope you know that I consider myself quite the idiot already, so that comment did not hurt one bit. "

"Really not helping your case there, bud."

"Bud? Have I upgraded my nickname status this soon? Man, today just keeps getting better."

"Sorry to tell you but you're never going to get an upgrade, life wise or nickname wise."

"Okay, that was just harsh."

"What can I say, I'm a harsh person."

"Yes, you are very harsh for a thirty year old man who has yet to hit puberty."

"You're a dick."

"Well, I do have a great one. I could send you a picture if you are really that curi-"

"Okay, that's my cue to leave. Later, burrito boy!"

"-ous. Aw, man. I was just starting to have fun!

"..."

"Wow, she must really be afraid of dicks. She hung up fast."