oblivion. ▷ captain america. [1] •••DISCONTINUED•••

ix ▷ just another fallen soldier.

N I N E

09. | just another fallen soldier.
life can leave you bruised

genevieve.

•

I CALL his name over and over again, but all I hear is static buzzing through the radio. He won't answer; he's hit the ice. I'll never hear from him again. I'll never be able to see his smile or hear his soft shy laugh. I'll never feel his lips on mine or the flames that surge within my core at his gentle touch.

Because he's gone.

Tears don't start to stream down my cheeks until minutes later, when realization punched me hard in the chest. Everyone has since left the room, leaving me alone to deal with Steve's death on my own, just how I would like it.

Why did I have to be so stupid? I ask myself. Why did I have to fall in love again? Why can't I ever learn? My mind is tearing me apart piece by piece. Voices scream inside my head, shrieking at how I can't learn from my mistakes. It's this same ride over and over again — this, this carousel is spinning and spinning around, and with every rotation comes a new lifeless body because of me. Or perhaps it's two bodies, one that's heart has stopped and the other's whose is broken.

I allow my troubled emotions to rack through me. My forehead is pressed against my palm as my fingernails dig into my skin in anguish. Steve is gone, and it's all my fault. Sobs course through me. I don't know what to do anymore. But then again, he's just another fallen soldier, even if he is completely different from the rest.

[•]

I sift through folders and folders of classified information, all descriptions of soldiers. Most have retired after the war has ended, so their information isn't needed anymore. Unlike everyone else, I did not drink joyfully after we received the news that the Allies won the war. I've just piled work on to myself, and just gave a melancholy cheer once I heard.

Colonel seems to know how I've been coping, and has given me more work than the average soldier. He seems rather sympathetic, even though he has seen all sorts of reactions to death.

Peggy tries to help, but I only end up a crying mess once she's done. Everything she says reminds me of him, all of her words that say that it's what he wanted to do, it was his choice, and so on. She's right, it was his choice, but that doesn't mean that it was one that didn't affect people.

The other Howling Commandos invited me out for a drink in honor of Steve, but I declined. I've heard rumors going around that they've pretty much lost three members instead of two now. It's true — Steve died, Bucky died, and I've died inside. But then again, I'm more like a ghost that doesn't seem to understand what time period it is.

I jump at every sound in the compound, whether it's someone dropping a pencil on to the wooden floor or Colonel shouting at someone for not doing their work. My first thoughts are attack, war, soldier, retaliate. But it is nothing in actuality because I know the war is over. However, I still have gunshots and screams ringing through my ears at random points in the day, causing me to tense up and lose all sense of where I am and what's happening. Usually someone has to shake me out of my head, tapping on my shoulder or nudging my arm to snap me out of my little trance. To avoid these, I seclude myself in a small quiet corner of the compound to do my work.

Colonel comes up to my side at my isolated table, where I sort all of the files. He sets a manila file in front of me, giving me a curt nod before stepping away. I stare down at the label — "Captain Rogers". I slowly peel it open, scanning over all of the printed words. Just as I am about to set it with the others, a small paper slides out on to the floor. I raise an eyebrow at it, staring down at the paper. It's a photo of Steve before the serum, the Steve that I fell in love with. Although it's colorless, I can see his blue eyes staring off into the distance and the glare of the yellow sun on his dog tags. I smile down at it, picking it up and holding it gently. I'm keeping this; it's all I have left of him.