Harry Potter Fanfiction Reviews [CLOSED]

Review #1 When the Queen Falls

Author: JordanneThrussell
Fanfiction Name: When the Queen Falls

1) The Name:
The name of your story is very interesting and eye-catching. As far as I know (and also according to wattpad search engine) it's definitely not been used a lot. It perfectly checks the criteria box for being unique and original.

Score: 4/5
Rating: ☆☆☆☆

2) The Cover:
It's simple yet elegant. I love the color contrast of the cover. The title font, especially the "Queen" part, suits the whole theme of the cover as well as the story.

Score: 3/5
Rating: ☆☆☆

3) Story Description:
The description of your story contained absolutely everything it demands. It was intriguing enough and made the reader curious about this main character. (And who doesn't love a good James Potter twin fic? No matter how cliché the idea is.) Although I did find the whole description a tad bit lengthy. Maybe if you fix the last part of it. Removing the disclaimer from there because you did mention the references in the Author's note. Overall, it was pretty satisfactory.

Score: 8/10
Rating: ☆☆☆

4) Grammer and Punctuations:
I did not see any major grammer or punctuation problems in the story. Your vocabulary was pretty impressive. Apart from just a couple of spelling errors or more like typing errors, everything was spot on. The descriptions, the way you stringed words together. It all made the story much more thrilling.

Score: 9/10
Rating: ☆☆☆☆

5) The Plot:
So the idea is pretty cliché, that we all agree with but you managed to take a common idea and make it as uncliché as possible. I never read a JP twin fic before where the twins are not really that close. To be honest, at the beginning it was kind of disappointing but that feeling was soon over as the story progressed on. It was a nice change from the normal. The whole back and forth - the first year and present time through out the fic (as far as you have written uptil now) was a very good way of writing and kept the readers on the edge of their seats. You even managed to keep both time periods equally interesting and it didn't feel like your focus was just on one time.

For the 1st year time, through out the chapters, the way you portrayed some of the characters made them look older than eleven. While I understand Elizabeth and Remus both matured before age but I still felt like some other characters, for example, Tara and Carson also acted or spoke like someone older than eleven. That was the only troubling thing I found.

Score: 17/20
Rating: ☆☆☆

6) Overall Fanfiction:
Overall, I loved your fanfiction. It was a really good read and I immensely enjoyed it. This fanfiction really has a lot of potential, just try to promote your story a bit to gain more reads and votes. Also, right now (as of chap. 19) I have so many unanswered questions and I really can not wait for you to update the next chapter. I would definitely recommend this fic to others and it's going to my reading list right away :D Keep up the good work!

Total Score: 41/50
Final Rating: ☆☆☆ (and a half)

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Hope this review helped you and thank you for applying here :D Please do mention somewhere in your story that it has been reviewed by me (@Cold-Drink) or simply dedicate a chapter to me.