Harry Potter Fanfiction Reviews [CLOSED]

Review #2 A New, Handsome, Arrogant, Toe-rag

Author: Erkaroo
Fanfiction name: A New, Handsome, Arrogant, Toe-rag.

1) The Name:
The first thing that pops in a reader's head after reading the fic name is "James Potter" but looking at the cover and then description - it sinks in that this is not a James Potter fic. And it's pretty unique and different compared to other Harry fics because one does not see Harry as "Handsome, Arrogant, Toe-rag" and this intrigues them to check the fanfiction out. Therefore, I'd say it is a good name for your story. Although, to answer your question in the application - maybe add "Lazy" in it? Ginny does say that every time. But it's not necessary. Personally, at this stage, I don't feel like there is a need to change the name. But of course if you come up with a better name then go for it.

Score: 3/5
Rating: ☆☆☆

2) The Cover:
The cover suits the name and plot of the fic. The picture and colour scheme is really soothing to the eye, which is a plus point. Although, if you'd ask me to change something from it then maybe I would choose a different Harry picture, a picture in which he's looking arrogant or smug. That would go well with his attitude in the fic.

Score: 3/5
Rating: ☆☆☆

3) Story Description:
Everything was alright. It was not too lengthy nor too short. AU mentioned at the top, check. It told reader's what the fic would be about, check. But here maybe if you add a bit of suspense? Like, why not say something along the lines of:

"But Ginny Weasley never appreciated such arrogant attitudes. How would she react to Harry's continuous, unending advances? Would she fall for his Potter charms easily? Or would she try to push him away?"

Also, I saw a few grammer mistakes, if you fix them up, it would be better. We don't want readers to turn away thinking the rest of the story will also have such mistakes :) The description basically makes a reader decide whether to plunge in the story or not.

Score: 7/10
Rating: ☆☆☆

4) Grammer and Punctuations:
There were many grammer and punctuation problems in the story. That was perhaps the only downside of your story. Although, as the story continued, it got better. The later chapters are much better than the starting ones. I'd recommend you to reread the starting chapters because they set the mood for the rest of the story and can even lead to reader's stopping reading. All you need is a little practice and you can overcome this problem. Or maybe ask for someone's help to proofread it for you (you can even ask me, don't hesitate 😊. Im here to help.)

Score: 6/10
Rating: ☆☆

5) The Plot:
It's a good plot. Potterheads, like me (who often imagine life of Harry Potter without Voldemort and with his parents) would definitely give the story a go. The pace of the story is going fine. And I did comment this there as well and I think I might mention it here as well: Firstly, it's up to you to agree with me or not. It's your choice and I'm not forcing you. I think the platform option is the best. It will give us glimpses of what's happening as the years go by. And I think you should write a couple of chapters or atleast one chapter showing how things will turn out after the big twist in the last chapter. (I'm not mentioning it here, in case someone decides to read your fic and I might spoil it for them) I'm talking about Ginny's Hogwarts letter. Also, I think it's better to continue with 3rd person. It wouldn't hurt to add a bit of P.O.V's here and there but stick with the 3rd person.

Score: 16/20
Rating: ☆☆☆

● (Not sure where to add this bit of advice so I'm making a separate bullet point for this)
I'd recommend you, from here onwards, don't make many A/N updates. It's a big no-no here on wattpad. I know at times we can't control our excitement when we hit a particular number of reads or when we feel like apologizing for lack of updates. But refrain from making separate updates for them. By all means, make such A/N's at the top or bottom of chapters :)

6) Overall Fanfiction:
Overall, I think this fic has a lot of potential. Just tweak it a bit here and there and fix the grammer and punctuation mistakes. Continue writing and practicing. Trust me, it's all about practice.

Total Score: 35/50
Overall Rating: ☆☆☆

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I hope this review helped you and thank you for applying here :) Please do mention somewhere in the story that it has been reviewed by me (@Cold-Drink) or simply dedicate a chapter to me.