Gotham Needs It's Fun Times

Don't Shop With the Waynes

This will not be a Batfam x reader like the last chapter. I hope you still enjoy it, though! Requests are still open.
I don't know what else to say so...enjoy!

     "Father, why are we going shopping?"
     Damian had been following Bruce around for quite some time now after Bruce told them all they were going shopping. Those included were Stephanie, Cassandra, Tim, and of course, Damian. Dick and Barbara decided to tag along since they needed some things, too.
     Also to help keep them all in line. A bunch of trained heroes in several martial arts going shopping.
     Together.
     That would require some help.
     "You're going shopping?" asked Jason, coming into the room with a sandwich in hand. No one had seen him come in and didn't even know he was here. "Cool, I'll come."
     "Jason, you really don't have to–" started Bruce.
     "Bruce, I died. That doesn't mean I can't go out with my family," he said with a mischievous grin.
     Jason rested his arm casually on Bruce's shoulder and the other on top of Damian's head. Damian hissed and knocked his arm off.
     "Fine. Is everyone ready?" Bruce called out.
     "Bruce, we're all here," said Tim. It was true; they were all there, dressed in normal clothes.
     "Ah, you finally got out of the Robin suit," said Dick, looking at Damian. (A/N: Judas Contract anyone?)
     "Let's just get this over with," said Damian, ignoring Dick and walking out the door.
     The others shrugged and followed them out.

***Time skip brought to you by Bruce hugging Jason***

     "Damian stop chasing Tim around with the cart!" Dick yelled. They were in Target now (idk).
     "Jason, stop looking at the cutlery knives," Bruce said, passing him.
     Cassandra was next to him doing the same, except thinking about how ineffective they are compared to daggers made for killing.

     Dick and Babs had followed Stephanie into the toy aisle where she was currently mocking Damian.
     "Control that thing or I'll control it for you," Steph said as Damian, holding up a toy Robin mask to her face.
     She continued to mimic others with other toy masks. She made a very funny Superman impression.
     Soon enough, Damian and Tim cane running by and the other three knew they had to handle that. Dick, Barbara, and Stephanie ran after them. They finally caught up.
     "Damian, you're going to get us kicked out!" exclaimed Dick.
     Barbara now had the cart and had to keep stopping Stephanie from putting things in it.
     "It was Drake's fault!" Damian blamed.
     "Stephanie, we have enough whipped cream for waffles at home," Barbara said.
     "Tim, did you do anything?" Dick asked Damian.
     "But do we have enough waffles?" Stephanie asked Barbara.
     "He's breathing! That's what he did!" Damian yelled at Dick.
     "We have five boxes!" Barbara told Stephanie.
     "You're breathing, too, Damian," Tim pointed out.
     "Does Tim has enough coffee at the manor?" asked Stephanie.
     "He picked me for the Robin partner when he was Batman," bragged Damian to Tim.
     "Most of us drink coffee. But, we could go for some more," Barbara answered Stephanie, grabbing three large bags of coffee grounds.
     "That's because me and Tim are closer in age and he's Red Robin. Plus, you need to be watched," Dick tried to explain calmly.
     "Don't we need some more batarangs?" asked Stephanie.
     "I'M NOT A CHILD, GRAYSON!" Damian yelled.
     "We'll get some from Lucius Fox later," said Barbara.
     Damian threw a batarang both at Tim and Damian. Barbara and Stephanie stepped in front and both caught one each before they touched the boys.
     "Damian! What are you doing with a batarang in public?" asked Dick, seeing the batarangs in the girls' hands. They pocketed them.
     "I'll get the cart he can sit in!" Stephanie exclaimed.
     She ran over to the carts, returning with one with a seat. Dick picked a squirming and screaming Damian and sat him in the seat. He scowled at the others.
     "I am not a child," he growled.
     Tim patted him on the head and Dick pushed the cart to find the others.

     Jason, meanwhile, loved to make people uncomfortable in public. He started to sing in the aisles, talk to customers, freak them out, and basically embarrass himself.
He'd pretend to be "undercover" in an aisle, and when someone looked at him, he whisper into his sleeve, "Suspect 45 has made eye contact. Load and wait for my signal." Or he would bring something to a register like a TV and give the cashier Monopoly money. Bruce is still confused why he had it in the first place. Jason also likes to pretend to be a ninja. He'll roll around on the floor of the aisles, hide under customers' carts until they noticed him and then he'd roll away. He likes to start a random conversation with people acting like he knows them and seeing how they react. Also, he'll go into a stall in the restroom and start talking and see if anyone answers.
     Bruce didn't know about any of this until he saw Jason pretend to pass out in the middle of a crowded aisle. Someone came up to him and see if he was okay, and Jason jumped up yelling, "AM I NOT ALLOWED TO SLEEP?" He walked out of the aisle casually and saw Bruce. That immediately put a damper on his mood.
     "Fuck," he muttered.
     "I'd have thought that was too childish for you," was all Bruce said.
     "It's entertaining. Rather than staying home and watching Ace and Alfred," he answered. "The cat, I mean."
     "Come, I'll show you something else entertaining," Bruce said turning around and walking to another aisle.
     Cassandra stood there, trying to ignore a guy clearly hitting on her. She couldn't say anything to him, not know how to speak very well and all. He eventually put both arms on either side of her. Cass knew what this was, and hit him in seven different pressure points no one saw coming. The guy, looking shocked and in pain, stumbled away. Cassandra gave a small smile of satisfaction. Jason could see out of the corner of his eye Bruce smirk.
     "I'm going to find the others. You coming?" Bruce asked the two. Cassandra nodded.
     "I'll be right there," Jason said when Bruce looked at him for an answer.
     The two went on and Jason went to the front of Target. He went behind the customer service and started helping people out until someone finally noticed. Surprise, he got kicked out.
The others came out an hour later with two bags each. Damian finally got out of the cart.
"Ah, there you all are," Jason said, turning toward them.
"You got kicked out, didn't you?" said Barbara.
"You bet," he said, skipping away.
     The others rolled their eyes but followed him anyway.

I wrote this in the middle of the night so some of it may not make sense and I apologize.
But I love messing with Damian. Anyone see the Judas Contract? I did! Some of this was based off it or referenced.
But most of this is based on an episode of a show called Speechless, a show with a funny and chaotic family.
Hope you enjoyed this! Stay whelmed🦇