Storms

You Can't Fix This

Lindsey was at a loss. Kristen tore through the doorway and left, spewing obscenities and Stevie still stood there in tears. Lindsey dared to step toward her.

"Steph..." he said softly. The sound of her own given name made her cry harder. She bowed her head, unable to look at him. "Stephanie, baby..." He got closer and closer until he was right up against her.

"Why?" Stevie asked. "Why, Lindsey? Why?" The pain in her voice was unbearable. The only thing he knew to do was embrace her, and he did. "What did I ever do to you to deserve this?" She began to sob in his arms, her body shaking. Had it not been for him holding her up, she would have fallen to the floor. Her body was becoming heavy in his arms, he could sense her breaking down fully.

"I'm sorry" he managed.

"Who is her mother?" Stevie asked.

"That's not important"

"Who? Please..."

"Why torture yourself? Isn't what I've done enough? Don't you hate me enough?"

"Tell me"

"Carol..." Lindsey told her after some quiet moments and despite his efforts, she went down. She fell to his feet and covered her face with her hands.

"No!" She wailed, the hurt evident. "How could you? Just twist the knife, Lindsey"

"You asked me!"

"But why did you do it? Why did you have to fuck Carol? Why did you have a baby with her? You killed me with Kristen and now I find out that she's not even the first..."

"I'm sorry"

"You're not sorry"

"I just found out about Jenna a few weeks ago, a month...?"

"A few weeks?" She looked up at him with red, watery eyes. "A month?" She gathered her strength and tried to get up. She needed to face him. "And you didn't feel like I was important enough to be told?"

"Stevie, you're the most important one in my life"

"Fuck you, Lindsey! I'm the only one who doesn't have your baby!"

"You wouldn't!" He shouts suddenly, having had this argument before. "You refused! I asked and asked, kept on and kept on and you said no! You always only cared about your music, your poetry, your muse! We could have had it all!"

"Couldn't, Lindsey, I couldn't!"

"You could! There is a difference!"

"No, Lindsey! I couldn't! I couldn't hold them, any of them!" She screamed and he stared at her.

"Stevie..."

"Then of course, you went out and found not one woman but two who could do what I couldn't do for you! Do you know how that makes me feel?!"

"Stephanie, what are you--"

"I'm a failure. My body is broken, my heart is broken!" she sobs, taking a seat to stop from ending up in the floor again. Lindsey continued to stare, unsure of what to do. The minutes ticked on and still they both remained in this space together, no words able to fix what had happened. "And I suppose by some stroke of luck, I hired your little girl and she tried to destroy me"

"Her mother made her do it"

"But she had a choice. I trusted her, I let her into my home...I told her so many things."

"You have every right to feel betrayed" Lindsey told her, as if that was any comfort.

"Gee, thanks" Stevie said sarcastically. "You know it's just like a Buckingham to not care about the destruction and heartache they cause."

"Come on, Stevie"

"No, I won't come on! How could you think that I would be okay with this?! Jenna should have been ours, Will should have been ours!"

"I know!"

"But you don't know! Adoption wouldn't have been good enough for you, I tried for years...I was never going to be good enough for you. All I had was history, a past with you"

"You're not just history to me. I love you."

"Don't say that" she warned

"Why? I do love you and I love you more than anything. Baby, no baby, I love you!"

"You do not! You have hurt me more than anyone else in this entire world! No one would ever think to do the things you have done to me to a living, breathing person"

"Stop it"

"No, I won't stop. Do you see what you've done? Do you see that I continually give you another chance, I continually put aside my pain to be with you, just for you to rip my heart out again?" She stood up, staring into his eyes and suddenly his blood went cold. He was scared of her, scared of what she would do. "Don't you see that despite every announcement of your children after Will, I still stayed?"

"There wouldn't have been any children after Will if you hadn't pushed me away!"

"This isn't my fault! You shouldn't have married her!"

"You told me to!"

"Even if I did, you had a choice too! You are not the victim here! You shouldn't have been fucking around when you knew I had feelings for you. We were doing so well, we were communicating and we were a real couple again...does that mean nothing to you?"

"The past is the past!"

"Not when its staring me right in the face, Lindsey!"

"You can be my future, Stevie, just let me in!" He shouts.

"Go, Lindsey."

"I'm not leaving. We aren't finished."

"I can't take anymore"

"I will call you"

"Don't bother"

"I'm calling you later, we need to talk"

"I'm done talking. I can't handle anymore talking because that's exactly what it is. It's useless chatter. You never keep up your end of the bargain and I'm always left waiting hopelessly in the wings. If you want to fight for something, fight to save your sad, sad marriage"

"I don't want her, I want you"

"I'm not an option anymore. I mean, was I ever really an option in your eyes?" she said to herself, more than to Lindsey.

"Stevie, one more chance and I won't fuck it up again, I swear" He came to his knees in front of her and wrapped his arms around her legs. "Please" he begged. "Let me fix this. I can fix it"

"You can't fix this" she tells him. She pried his arms from around her, feeling suffocated. "Find your daughter. Make sure she's okay. Tell her I won't cut her pay. She needs the money and I don't want her to struggle"

"Thank you, Stevie" Lindsey says, not sure what else he could possibly do. Her walls were going back up. He could almost physically see them getting taller and taller.

"Goodbye Lindsey"

"Stevie...please don't let this be the end" He moves from the floor to the door and Stevie doesn't even really notice. Her face is still throbbing from Kristen and her chest physically hurts from the pain Lindsey had caused. She would want nothing more than to just lay down and grieve. "I love you. I love you with everything I have. Yes, it should have been you. I, I don't want to be too late"

"Just go...please" He made no more attempts to argue. He knew she needed space and he had a lot to deal with in his end too. He turns around and leaves, the door shutting softly behind him. The moment she was alone, she allowed herself to break down again. She had never felt so empty in her life.