The Chronicles of Thalia

Chapter 7- Gone

*Ed's POV*

She's gone. 

She's gone.

I was too late.

She's gone.

I couldn't save her.

She's gone. 

It's all I can do not to burst into tears while I tell Lucy what happened. It's all I can do not to yell at her when she tells me it will be alright, we'll save her. I don't really see a way out of this one. She's dead for all we know. I can't help but feel it's my fault, that there was some sign I should have seen, something I could have said or done. But I didn't- I failed. Over a decade I had known Thalia Rose, over a decade I had called her my best friend, and I had failed and come up short of being good enough time after time. Too many times to count. But at least I had always managed to keep her safe, keep her alive. I would give anything to trade places with her, for it to have been her instead of me. But all I could do was restrain myself from strangling every poor unknowing person who tried to extend caring word or kind glance. Which is basically everyone. So I take my anger and annoyance out on the poor sword that Caspian had handed me on our way off that stupid island. It was covered in hard, dirt-like substance which I had been picking away at with a pocket-knife for the last hour.  

"Lot of good that's doing," Eustace sneers, nodding to the sword in my hand. "Why bother?"

"Because it's the only thing currently keeping me from strangling you." I tell him. He gives me an extremely offended look, gives a noise that's something between a gasp, a snort and a scoff, then quickly walks away. At least the idiot knows a warning when he hears one. No one talks to me for another hour, giving me time to work and think. Or in other words, time to wallow in my self-loathing. Finally though, Lucy come and sits next to me, leaning her head on my shoulder. She doesn't say anything, and I know she's waiting for me to talk. 

"I already know all the things you're going to say to me." I say bitterly, my stomach filling with the dread of the inevitable conversation. "That she was a brave girl and that she loved me and that I was a good friend to her and that it wasn't my fault, there wasn't anything I could have done. That you know it hurts now, but it will hurt less with time and that she may not be here physically but she'll always be here in spirit as long as I remember her. I know all the lines, Lucy. It's all bull." I blink away tears. I had not cried yet, and I would not begin now. 

Lucy, however, is not afraid of tears as I am. I refuse to look at her face, but I know she is crying by the way the crew members divert their eyes as they walk by, and how she is silent except for a quiet little heave of sorrow. I wrap my arm around her shoulder. "I'm sorry... I'm just-"

"Grieving." She finishes. "In your own way. I know. But it's not all bull, Edmund. Thalia was brave- the bravest girl I ever knew. And she did love you- more than you ever realized." Her voice cracks, and I find myself having to blink away tears again. "And you were more than a good friend, you were her best friend." One tear rolls down my cheek and I wipe it away before some passerby can see. "I know it's hurting you more than any of us, but you're not alone. We all miss her." She kisses my cheek then walks away, sniffling and wiping away tears as she goes.

<<----------------->>

"Land ho!"  

The two words bring the whole crew up on deck, peering at the horizon. "It looks uninhabited." I say, turning to Caspian and Drinian.

"If the Lords followed the Mist to the east, they would have stopped here." Caspian replies, stroking his beard.

"It could be a trap." Drinian notes, carefully eyeing  the shore.

"Or it could hold answers." Caspian nods to himself. "We spend the night on shore."

We set up camp, and spend the night laughing around a campfire. It long after dark when every pulls into their own little corner and curls up to sleep. I stretch out and pull my little blanket over me, using my arm as a pillow and staring into the fire. I can't help it, I think about Thalia.

I think about the Battle with the White Witch. I tried not to think about it, because the day stills replays like a video on fast forward, right up to the point I see Thalia run to save Peter from the White Witch. Then it slows down. I see them cross swords and Thalia fall, the With standing over her ready to take her life. I don't remember making the decision to save Thalia, nor do I remember running over there. I don't know if it was simply battle instinct, or the part of me that had always begrudgingly liked Thalia, or my subconscious remembering what Aslan had told me on the mountain the day before.

She's more important to you than you care to admit. And she's stronger than anyone knows. She deserves a crown alongside you and your siblings.

Is she going to rule with us? I felt disgusted with the notion, and a little scared. 

Not yet, young one.

Someday?

Yes. Someday she shall rule.

No matter what my motivation had been, there was never any doubt in me that I had to save her, and no regret that I had, even when I thought I was going to die as a consequence. If I had to give up my own life to save hers, then so be it. I had felt that way ever since. It felt natural to be so protective of her, to be so willing. And the thought flashed through my mind now, just as it had ever since I saw her...

Why couldn't it have been me.

I feel like a horrible person. It's been what? Two months since I've updated?

I'm so disappointed in me.

Next time it takes me so long, somebody spam my profile. I give ya'll permission.

Anyway, here's my version of a grieving Edmund. For whatever reason, I couldn't fathom him mourning like a normal human being, with tears and all that. It didn't seem like... Edmund. idk. 

Life update: I leave tomorrow evening to work fireworks stand for ten days. I'm planning to write when I can, which might mean midnight updates or middle of the afternoon updates or no updates at all. Who knows? Anyway, after that I start working an actual job. And then in August I start Highschool Musical: Senior Year.  (I'm fully expecting Troy to show up and dance with me) Basically, my plan is once I get home from the tent I'll set aside at least an hour everyday to just write which should lead to regular updates and a long, successful career yay!

So yeah... vote, comment, lemme know what you think. 

>>Adry Grace