Control

Chapter 13

Ella

Fear.

It permeated through every fiber of my being. I've never known fear like this. All of my life I've suffered from anxiety and thought I knew what it was to be afraid every day. This was a whole new level of terror. Trapped like an animal, I was frantic and had to call upon my many therapeutic tools to remember to breathe and calm down so that I could think straight.

How do I get out of this when the shock of this situation had me frozen? Like ice, it worked its way through my veins and chilled me to the core. I began shivering violently as soon as the door slammed shut and my mind began reviewing the scene before as if watching a horror film. Trepidation and insanity seemed to creep into my mind and a chilling sound made its way from my mouth as sobs wracked my frightened frame.

I started recalling every moment with this monster and wondered where it was that I had invited his wrath. But as no obvious moment made its mark, I realized that this was a fruitless venture and I should instead concentrate on the one thing I unknowingly valued above all else: freedom. How can I escape?

Think, Ella, think!

I shifted my analysis from the situation and the events leading to it, and instead focused on my captor. I needed to understand him and his motives better, so that I could possibly manipulate him enough to loosen his suffocating hold on me long enough for me to run. This time, I would have a destination in mind that would trump his best guesses as to where I had gone.

One shocking revelation through all of this, though, was that I discovered I did have a backbone. I don't think neither he nor I saw that coming, and I decided to try and use that to my advantage. He seemed to like me, at least in the beginning, because I was a meek and nervous freak. So, I gathered my first point:

1. He likes to be in charge. He's the dominant one in probably most of his relationships

And how to combat the first point? Don't. Be. Submissive.

He kept mentioning my "rejection" of him and I noticed that each time I ran or displayed disgust with him, it urged his violent tendencies. Second point notated:

2. He cannot take rejection. He must win each and every hunt.

But this was a conundrum. How do I not submit, while not eliciting a violent response if he took my disobedience as rejection? I shuddered at what this meant- I would have to play the part of the doting girlfriend, so that he believed he had won me over. The thought of having to let him touch me had bile crawling up my throat. Could I really do this? I did just curse him out of the room. With that thought, I convinced myself I could, and moved on to carving the next bow in my quiver.

What else?

"Oh baby girl, it should be a sin how beautiful you are."

He seemed obsessed with my looks. Was he like this when I was disguised? He was as awful as all get out, but I didn't think he was attracted to me, at least not physically. I still had come off as timid and easily controllable, so that could explain his obsessive nature then. I stowed away this thought:

3. He is attracted to my physically.

I had always gained some unwanted attention because of my red hair, hence the disguise I wore whenever possible. If I could just get my hands on some dye- something more permanent than a wig, and attempt to come off as unseemly as possible, perhaps I could lessen his attraction to me and thus, his interest in keeping me in his life at all.

I recalled him strictly ordering me to be the picture-perfect girlfriend around his family and other acquaintances. Further, without knowing me at all, he was intrigued solely on my appearance alone. This through brought a small smile to my mouth:

4. He cares about appearances- i.e. he embarrasses easily

This one could be an easy one to accomplish. I'm notoriously clumsy and awkward, so if or when he would ever let me out in public again, this could be another strike against me and hopefully his infatuation would wane. 

I felt myself becoming calm as I was able to think of each bullet I could fire into his insane plan to make me his. Now, I only needed the courage and gumption to follow through with everything.

_______________________________________________________________________________

He left me naked in that bed, cuffed, cold and (unbeknownst to him) conniving for an entire day. I saw the sun set and rise before he entered again. I felt my heart rate increase as I heard his sure footsteps approach the door and keys jingle as he unlocked it and entered.

It's showtime.

"P-please James, w-will you j-just unlock the c-cuffs? I p-promise I-I'll st-stay!" I wailed out immediately upon his entering.

For one, the cuffs were really painful and my wrists were rubbed raw from the 24-hour period they were encased. Secondly, I needed to assure him that I would stay, but still make it on my terms with my demands. Thirdly, throwing in a few more stutters might annoy him, right?

"Tsk, tsk, baby girl. I think you're a long way off from earning that privilege. You haven't even earned clothes back yet!" he condescendingly reproached me.

I formed the ugliest crying face I could make before pleading, "W-what do you w-want me t-to do?! I-I'll do anything, I-I'm s-so s-sorry!" I divulged into a blubbering mess as I heard him chuckle darkly, approaching me slowly but surely.

"It's very simple, Ella. I will explain it to you as soon as you knock off the fake crying and pay attention."

I stilled almost instantly and looked at him with surprised teary eyes.

"Much better."

He caressed my face as he sat on the bed beside my now trembling frame. What was my plan again?

"So, you want to know what you can do to earn back your freedom?" He posed the question rhetorically before proceeding with his cruel demands, "You simply have to accept the fact that you are no longer, and perhaps will never again be free. You. Are. Mine. For as long as I deem it so, and you will behave as I want you to behave, you will dress as I want you to dress, you will even think as I want you to think. If you do so, you will be much happier. Not accepting, and fighting this, will simply make you miserable. Either way makes no difference to me, baby girl. On the one hand, I get the puppet without any of the drama, that my father admonishes me to have. A very beautiful one at that" I froze as he smirked with lust evident in his eyes. 

"And on the other hand, I get my ultimate plaything. Fight against me as long as you want, Ella. I love the chase- crave it, actually. And the longer that you struggle, the more fun it is for me. You're drawing out my favorite past-time and providing me with the outlet that I want and need to be happy, but will ultimately bring you very real pain until you eventually and most assuredly break."

His fingers betrayed his evil promises as they gently ran through my hair. Silence weighed heavily in the room, as it was granted access to appear by the disguised devil in front of me so I could process his words.

A real burning behind my eyes began to build. Bile crept up my ever-closing throat. Did I have it all wrong? Was he really as invincible as he claims? Could I still become the ugly, clingy thing that would annoy him away from this chase? Would that even work?

So many questions beat frantically in my mind as my heart was clutched with fear, almost sending panic signals to my brain to think us out of this mess. I had to try.

I slowly nodded my head, with a quivering bottom lip and a shaky breath. "I'll do what you say."

Already, he had conquered my attempt at the first point- to not submit. Only three to go, I just prayed they might work.