To Your Feelings

ix.

"A part of you hasn't grown up still, because you still secretly hope for her."

To you who's longing,

     You remember all of a sudden how you only used to have fun with her way back then. You recall what you did when the both of you were so young you didn't even have to worry about anything. You used to be a boy and she used to be a girl but both of you did things men and women had a hard time trying to find. You fell in love, but both of you agreed you were only having fun.
     You remember how she used to punch those guys that bullied you, how she kicked them in the nuts, how you used to make all the other girls jealous of her when both of you looked so cute together. She used to share your cigarette, she used to drink some of the beer you stole, and you used to comb her hair, make her feel good about herself, and you swear you loved her laughter when you lay together in a field watching the clouds pass by.
     You remember how you used to practice loving another person, and you couldn't help but secretly hope she wanted to be the one you'd love. You can't help but want it to be real. You'd tell her what impressed a boy and she'd teach you how to kiss a girl, and you even practiced on her once, and all the butterflies in your stomach came flying all over. It was all magical and intense, but you also remember how the both of you were only having fun.
     All of a sudden you remember the time you had to say your goodbyes and go your separate ways, and you remember wondering where in this world could she possibly be right now. You remember you were both very young back then. Now that you have grown up, you are longing. You are longing for the love you once had. You are longing for the application of everything she ever taught you. All the french kiss, the marriage, combing a girl's hair, and loving another unconditionally. You long for your puppy love now that you've grown. And you remember yourself think someday you will have something like that again. You long for the usage of all the lessons you learned from when you first fell in love and had fun. You long for it now that you've grown up, but a part of you hasn't grown up still, because you still secretly hope for her- the girl you loved first. You'd love her better now that she's a woman. And you remember telling yourself you'll look back at all those days.