To Your Feelings

xvii.

"There's an eternal conflict between your head and heart and you don't know which side is right."

To you who holds on,

     Some part of you still thinks she's going to come back and give you that I-miss-you-so-much hug. A part of you thinks maybe you should wait more when a part of you thinks it's time to leave. A part of you still holds on, and you feel your heart crack and crack and crack each second that passes by, but each day of your life you find an excuse enough to hold yourself together just a little bit more, you don't know how close you are to breaking or how close you are to peace of mind. There seems to be an eternal conflict between your head and heart and you don't know which side is right.
     You don't know when or how or why she'll come running back to you, and you don't know if she ever will, you just know you have to take the risk sometimes. Everyday you wait out in the rain, out in the dark, out in the sun, out in the cold, and out in the heat, and you keep hanging on to the thought of her. Your mind is shackled and torn between running away and staying. What if you go and she returns and you aren't there? What if you stay and she doesn't come back? What will happen to the man who's been living a fool's life? Lots of questions go spinning like stars circling around your head, and you wonder which of these will have answers or if you could take living with those or not, but you hold on anyway.
     You're hanging but you hold on so tight until your palms are sore with blisters because you don't want to fall for anybody but her. Some part of you still thinks she's coming back in just a little while, and your heart may start cracking and cracking as you wait, but maybe it's time to think for yourself for a start. You forgot about yourself when all you have been thinking about was her. The mind and heart can only stretch so far before it snaps. Maybe it's time to snap. Snap out of it. Snap out of her. It's time for you to fend for yourself and be selfish for once. Eat some chocolate, go out and discover the world, get out of hiding. Let go and fall for someone new.