I Know I Shouldn't

Part 11

I sat in the chair in Eir's healing quarters, watching as she moved around the room. She was hustling, trying to gather all the healing tonics she had in reserve, making more as quickly as she could.

Many were injured in the battle, many were lost. No one was sure how the Beserkers had crept their way inside Asgard, how they'd gotten past Heimdall and his watchful eye.

Frigga stood in the room with me, her hands against her lips as she looked at Loki where he lay still upon the white table. He wasn't dead, Eir had assured all of us. She had him full of every healing tonic and herb at her disposal. But he was a Frost Giant by birth, he was different from Asgardians because of it.

All we could do was wait.

Guilt gnawed at me, and all I could do was sit, huddle in the chair with the blanket around my shoulders. I still wore my blood covered attire, my arm bandaged but more bruised then anything else. My eyes felt puffy and swollen, and I just knew at any second I was going to be sick again. I curled my arms around my stomach, feeling it pinch.

I'd never been so frightened in my life as I had tonight. I'd wanted to fight, defend my home and my friends, but my child had prevented that. But then Loki had been under attack, and I'd seen my opportunity to finish that Beserker! I hadn't realized his strength would nearly triple!

It was my fault Loki was in this condition, and I would never forgive myself if he died!

How could I have killed the father of my unborn child?

I pressed my hands against my face, shuddering. I'd never been like this before, so emotional. I didn't know how to handle this at all!

My head turned as I saw the doors open, and I straightened as I saw Thor enter. He had been absent from Asgard during the attack, back on earth with his human again. Odin had only recently returned these past few days from his venture into the other realms.

"Mother?" Thor reached for her, his eyes running over her to make sure she was safe.

"Thor," she sounded relieved to see him. 

"What happened? Loki ---?" Thor's eyes lit on his black-haired form, and he released his mother to go to his brothers side. Thor had truly mourned Loki when he'd thought he'd died, his care for him was genuine, unlike his fathers. "What did this?"

"Beserkers. They crawled their way through one of the hidden entrances. Heimdall was focused on another realm, he didn't see them enter. One of our ally's was under attack at the same time."

"A distraction then." Thor muttered, blonde brows furrowing. "How did Loki get here?"

Frigga's eyes flicked to me, but I looked away.

"I do not know, Thor. I only know he came to defend us in our time of need."

"Did he come to defend us or did he bring them here to fight us?" Thor asked, completely serious as he looked at his mother. "Just as he did the Frost Giants?"

I bristled, glaring at him as I abruptly stood. "How dare you speak of him that way when he lays there in such condition!" I hissed thoughtlessly at the arrogant prince, both he and his mother turning to look at me in surprise. "He came here to stop the Beserkers, he would not bring them to this realm! Look at him! He's going to die because he tried to stop them, and you dare stand there and ---."

"Dreyna!" Eir's voice was sharp, ending my tirade before the flames really started. I scowled as I looked over at her, seeing her stern look. "Now is not the time! Sit back down immediately before you stress yourself further!"

"I don't wish to sit down!" I hissed, clenching my red stained hands. Loki's blood covered my clothing, I doubt I would ever be able to scrub it from my skin. I would never forget this, I would never forget how he took that blow meant for me --- it would have killed me, no doubt, but he shouldn't have put himself in front of me like that!