Snowflakes

1)The a-team.

2)A White Demon Love Song.

3)A Thousand Years part 1 and 2.

4)Fireflies.

5)Poison and Wine.

6)Hey There Delilah.

7)1, 2, 3, 4.

8)The Giving Tree.

9)Perfect.

All of these describe my life. #1 is my mom.#2, 5, 6, 7, 8 are my lovelife.Not that im in love.Am I? What is love?#4, 9 are my life.Everyday i listen to these songs, and everyday they remind me of all the bad things, good things, and ALL the questions.So many questions, too many to count.But the majority is: WHY ME?What have i done wrong?

My dreams are filled with possibilities; good and bad.Sometimes i cry myself to sleep.But hey who doesnt.My family is broken.My mom isnt with me, she's alive but gone.Everyday i find it harder and harder not to run away, from everything.The lies, the people, hate, hateful words.To find my happy place and stay there forever. . . . 

But there is always something holding me back.I call it my anchor.I used to think my anchor was a guy.A guy who annoyed the hell out of me and everyone else.But i used to look past that because i thought i loved him.But then he wasnt my anchor anymore.I finally saw the real him.And i didnt like what i saw.

So for a while i had no anchor and it took all my willpower not to run away.To keep a smile at school.To make my friends believe i didnt care about anything.Pretend not to be hurt when my family yelled at me; when kids at school would insult me.To cry quietly at school when nobody was around because i didnt need the drama.To bottle everything up and store it away for later.

I think i have my anchor.It's a guy.How sad.Why is it always the guys that are the one's who help girls get through life.But sometimes they screw it up.Anyway, he's different.All the bad things from other people havent tainted him.He's  unique and he's nice.He's not gross like all the other guys at school.I think he's my anchor.The one that keeps me going to school so i can see him.The one that keeps me from running away from home so i can look presentable in front of him.

But there's one thing he cant make me do. Not hate life.Everybody says life is unfair and they're right.But nobody is prepared.People think i'm mean, i'm not.I tell the truth, because people need the truth every once in a while.People think its not right to tell the truth.I dont hate people, i just dont want to deal with them if i dont have to.